I hope you’re not tired of reflective meditation devotion type posts, because here comes another one!
Well, I don’t know about y’all but this is a jealous, frustrated week for me. Lots of negative aches running through my emotion nodes. Looking at people on social media who I probably shouldn’t be paying attention to, rehashing the grievances (unintentional or not) caused by people I struggle with, feeling defeated during exercise effort.
Ouch. Not fun, Friends.
I know if I put my phone down for a bit, and take a breather from the Interwebs for some hours, I’ll more than likely feel better, feel more truly at peace with who I am and who I surround myself with for love and giggles.
I will also begrudgingly admit that last night’s walk/jog is helping my mood today. I admit with resistance because the movement itself was really unpleasant. I’m surprised I didn’t actually drop tears during my long, slow climb to the top of the hill (and please note that tears did come even after I had finished the course). I could barely jog any of the up portions; I mean we’re talking I would take maybe 15 steps and then I had to walk again. And I don’t know about you but when I get upset it may give me a quick spark of speed, but in general my breath sharpens making physical activity much more difficult which in turn makes me feel emotionally even worse.
But eventually I reached the top, and I was able to jog the rest of the distance down and then along the level surface it melted in to. And today I feel not quite as edgy as yesterday.
But it hurts to be inside our heads, in no small part because once we arrive inside one of the gristly crevices we don’t want others to come join us. Well, we do, but only if they agree with us, which, in my experience my Positive Polly friends always annoyingly try to drag me back to a place of joy instead of just griping with me. They are so annoying, I’m not even sure why I keep them around sometimes.
Oh right, because they’re all really cute and funny, and sometimes it’s their turn to gripe and I get to offer support over fermented suds so that role’s OK.
Yesterday I moved through a really unpleasant string of thoughts that made me think exercise truly doesn’t make me feel better, so I should just give up trying to slim my body and accept that I will only regress from here forward. Truly, this is the state I was in for a good 20 minutes yesterday, until the ground’s grade tipped downward and my body was able to more easily remain in motion. When we fall in these moments of quitting on hope, we are at best labeled dramatic and frequently waved off to go deal with ourselves until we can sensibly come back to the general public. And as we all know this only tills our insides for more heartache, grooms us to practice greater isolation.
Now for me, I have a really annoying partner who insists on high-fiving me and telling me how proud he is of me and then making me a turkey burger with vegetables while I steam out in the shower. But even before him, I had amazing friends who would let me whimper over the phone, and I’ve long known the healing power of hot cheese and carbs. (If you ever find yourself at a loss for words with a person in crisis, order pizza. Trust me. They need it.)
Anyway, so now I am here today. Still apparently following my thoughts to the negative excursion they’re on, but overall doing better than yesterday and more in a place to walk myself back to a place of problem solving and rest.
So here’s my prescription for you today: Lead yourself to water. Lay out for yourself a virtual picnic, near a stream. Bring a soft blanket, pick a dry patch of grass, and fling those canvas corners out to flick the wind before they take a nap on the ground. Listen to the water, watch it create patterns around rocks, and eat popsicles and brie, doesn’t matter to me. There is no food pyramid here, we are just aiming for yums.
Think of one thing you can do today that will simply be for the enjoyment of it, and give yourself 10 minutes to do it. Even if you have to wait until the kids are asleep and you’re almost too tired to stay up much longer, just give yourself the gift of leisure. Flip through an old photo album, scribble with crayon, tip back in a chair on the porch. Remind yourself, through engagement, that life is not always a climb, not forever a comparison to others’ success. Eventually it levels out, and we actually decompress in the sunset, rather than cursing the glare it splinters across our windshield. So go ahead. Pull over. Step out of the minivan, and let the light filter directly onto your face. Release the kiddoes from their carseats and lift them on your hip so they can see, too, how a day nods farewell to us with color, promising to send his friend, Tomorrow, who will be dressed in an equally dazzling palette.