Seeking fellow Western trekker

Is it wrong to "test" your friends based on whether they'll move to the desert with you?

There is a (from what I can tell) very great journalism program in Arizona, at which I am looking for a potential Ph.D. endeavor.

First I went to Riley and Caitlin, because I've already told them that Dibbs and I have dibs on their attic to live out our cat-lady lifestyle while they enjoy the thrills of newlywed life and I continue to wait for Mr. Right, in the meantime whittling away my time with books and research (oh, research. Be still my heart).

They were less than thrilled. Clarification: they are totally fine, I think, with me living in their attic. They were less than thrilled about Arizona. Read on.

They want to stay up north--WHY?!?!?!!--so they basically shot me down. (Caitlin also told me that Dibbs will not be their flower boy nor is he even invited to the wedding. Rude. He's family. I mean I'm pretty sure her dog Phoebe is going to be at the reception. What gives?) We had a series of emails going back and forth, giving points (or no points) to Arizona, Kansas, Indiana, and Wisconsin. I believe Indiana scored zero points, even though the three of us owe our delightful undergraduate years in part to the Hoosier state. Let's just say I got the heck out of Dodge when I had diploma in hand, and they're planning on doing the same.

Anyway, I tried to reason with them, offering the benefits of AZ--NOT COLD, yes it's hot but it's a dry heat. Now Riley is one of those actual fans of the Royals, as opposed to those of us who brag about the 1985 World Series title but really only go to the games when we're really bored and could go for some peanuts and beer, so I tried to lure him to the West with a baseball angle. I reminded him that we know the guy who helped design the retractable roof on the Diamondbacks stadium, so we could maybe get free tickets to games.

My defiant younger brother (I wonder where he gets it?) replied,

"No more snow and no more humidity sounds like a boring winter and really dry skin.

Also, I care very little for the D-backs."

Ouch.

So today I tried Nick. I (stupidly) went straight for the baseball angle.

"Ooh! Ooh!" he replied,

"Baseball tickets! That makes me want to move to the 105 degree desert!"

Hmpfh.

I need reliable friendships nearby me if I'm going to isolate myself in the abyss that is doctoral study. Somebody's gotta take on this responsibility as my live-in counselor. I'll buy the peanuts and beer!