I just showed this picture to Alex over FaceTime and he asked, "Who is that girl sitting right next to you who looks exactly like you?" and also, "Why is she in front of the cake if it's your birthday?"
I then proceeded to tell him about three blonde girls in my past who had at one point or another been mistaken as my sister or straight up twin or straight up me.
The answer to Alex's first question is: Laura, who was my best friend from church when I was in the eighth grade. This picture is from my 14th birthday party, and I think this was probably the first time that I invited school and church friends to hang out in the same social space, which was pretty revolutionary for me at the time.
Remember when it was so weird to think about being friends with people outside your grade in school? And how much INSTANTLY cooler a girl was the second she started dating an upperclassman or even got invited by one to a dance? (Now that I think about it, I was actually twice asked to dances by boys one grade ahead of me, but I consider this purely incidental/anecdotal and does not vouch for my coolness or cuteness, I argue). Anyway.
Today I have friends of all ages, including very close friends, who are anywhere for six to 40 years younger or older than me (obviously the 40 years only applies to people older than me, as I do not (yet) have any friends who are negative five years old). I think one of my favorite things about being an adult is that I can completely set aside the notion that I have to be within the same age group of someone in order to have a real connection and relationship with them. So many well outside my decade of high school graduation have provided me with so much enjoyment, camaraderie, safety and comfort.
Finally to the point of this tangent: I once read in a psychology book that when people start having kids and sending those kids to school, their group of adult friends tend to have less to do with common age between them and more to do with their children's common grades in school. Interesting, eh? I mean, it makes sense, but this is one of those things that I, anyway, wouldn't necessarily think about without a researcher to observe and then tell me about it while I do my summer class homework at a Starbucks after work.
Ohhhhhhh K. Where were we? Oh yes, Alex's second question: why is Laura sitting in front of the cake and not me? I don't really know, nor did I notice, nor does it really bother me? You know, like in terms of symmetry even? I thought at first maybe it's because my brothers had lit the candles just before the photo was taken, but then I remembered being very interested in my newfound grown up skill of being able and unafraid to light a match at this past point in my life, so it's likely I lit the candles actually, and maybe Laura even helped me.
So it's an unsolved mystery, People, and one I could care less about but one that caused Alex to ask an immediate question, which just proves once again we are incredibly different people. Seriously I feel like he is the natural journalist given the questions he asks. Not that I ask bad questions when I do reporting, but I definitely ask different ones than he does. Maybe we should team up, travel the world and write for National Geographic.
Nah.
OK moving on.
***
The picture above is from my birthday party in the year that I turned 14. It may have been taken on my actual 14th birthday, as it was on a Sunday that year and I have in my memory that this party occurred on a Sunday (also that makes perfect sense, as church (and Laura's home) was 30 minutes from our home, so it's very likely that Laura rode home with us after church and then her parents picked her up later).
OK so what do we know so far? It was my 14th birthday party, Laura was sitting next to me, candles were lit. Possibly a Sunday.
And now that we're, I don't know, 1000 words deep into this post and I've told you very few pieces of information you're probably no longer reading but that's OK I'm going to keep typing. But new information is coming now, I promise.
Other people in the picture: my three bros, and my friends Liz and Emily from school. I knew both Liz and Emily primarily through band. We may have had some classes together, but they were lunch buddies definitely and occasional sleepover and Halloween party buddies as well. I remember one time explaining SOH CAH TOA to Emily over the phone and was super impressed with myself for doing so effectively. I'm still really impressed by that, because, how? Guess I do have a knack for making things clear through words, even when they are mathematical concepts.
My oldest brother was home from college for the summer. My mom was taking the picture, and my dad was in Missouri finishing his first year of seminary schooling. As you can sort of see through the windows behind us, we lived in a beautiful wooded area in Colorado. We hadn't sold our house yet, but within a couple of months we would, and we would move to be with Dad, to a new region, new schools, new jobs. It was not completely easy or completely terrible, and I do have several good memories of that time and a longstanding affection for the area as well. I would consider living there, with its urban/suburban sophistication and brick homes and generous supply of foliage.
I'm sure there was sparkling grape juice in the goblets. My cake was a football field, because I was a tomboy like whoa. I was wearing the necklace my small group leader at church gave me as a gift the week before when Laura and I were confirmed. I think it had a sunburst with a cross on it, to represent my confirmation verses. Sadly at some point I lost it, but wore it for a good while first.
Maybe five years ago, my small group leader was in LA visiting her son, and I went to meet up with them. We had wine before the son's play, then went to a diner afterward. I met his wife that night, and later discovered that both of them know Alex through the acting/sketch comedy world. About two years ago they showed up at a party I was at, and I had no idea they knew the host, so when they walked through the door I freaked out and immediately texted my siblings that our childhood friend was on the same patio as me.
***
My 14th birthday party was notably smaller than those of prior and several future years. I don't fully remember why, but if I had to guess I would think that one of the factors driving that choice was because I was going through a season where I felt kind of left out from some things and groups at school, and honestly probably felt like maybe some attention within one group was shifting away from me and more to other people. I'm not proud of this attitude, and I also don't discredit my feelings from the time. It's very hard to remember the details of 20 year old memories, but I remember feeling very sad and hurt and depressed to a degree, probably, because of shifting social dynamics. So I think it's likely that I decided to invite just a few people who I felt safe and happy with at the time, and I'm proud of Past Bailey for honoring her feelings and the needs of her heart. That was probably a very pivotal moment for me to step into such agency and really helped set me up for many good things in my future ahead.
Other random things I remember from that day:
I think we played basketball with the hoop in the driveway. We pretended to smoke the birthday candles as if they were cigarettes, which we thought was very funny and original and fun. I think one of my gal pals gave me some silver cake batter lip gloss from Bath & Body Works, and it was very exciting to see it frost my face and smell its yumminess. Metallic lip color was very on brand for the late 90s, even if I was a tomboy and hardly wore makeup beyond watermelon Lip Smackers.
Hold up, I (obviously) just googled this to see if it's still available for purchase, and you mean to tell me that it's Lip SMACKER, SINGULAR?
!?!?!
Gonna pretend my whole youth has not just been put into question based on this new fact, so that we can wrap up this post.
Was it ALWAYS Smacker, just the one Smacker not more than one Smacker? (I guess this is promoting monogamy among young people if we're subliminally asking them to land on one partner to plant a smacker on? But even then they should be allowed multiple smackers with the one partner, yes?).
I really cannot with this. I'm gonna need some time.
Also doesn't seem the gloss is available for sale. Sad.
OK for real let's wrap this up.
My parents still have that kitchen table. It lived in storage during our jaunt in St. Louis, but he's still kickin' in KC.
Laura made the volleyball team that year at school (much cooler and more athletic than I), and her family got a pool table for the basement. We frequently hung out after church at her house, playing SkipBo and watching MTV I think. Her dog was named Cody, I think, and she and I had a joint confirmation party.
Liz, a tiny person, played a very large tuba and was quite good and made the local honor band more than once I think. One of the rooms in her house had bunkbeds in the closet for storage reasons, I think, but at my request we most definitely slept in them once.
Emily was a dancer and I called her on a Friday between commercials telling her to quick, turn on ABC and watch 20/20* because they were doing an interview about her topic for our research papers in English. She was full of spunk and kindness and always quick to laugh.
*The good ol' days, with Hugh Downs and Barbara Walters and John Stossel and yes I watched every week after Sabrina and Corey and Topanga.
***
To sum up, this picture was taken in the last few months of a time that I remember with great fondness overall. For five years my family lived in a gorgeous area, we had a hot tub at our house, loved our church and pastor and youth pastor and small group friends. I was good in school and enjoyed my teachers and assignments. I loved going to middle school dances and usually led the others in dancing without concern for how they looked while doing so. Hopefully they grew to feel good while dancing just however they wanted to dance, because frankly I really just wanted them to have a good time like I was having. And hopefully they still like to dance now, if just around the island in the kitchen while we wait out a pandemic.
Xo,
Me at 14
No comments:
Post a Comment