Hard Day

There are days in my life when my social skills just flee me. Scratch that. Perhaps the skills are still with me, I just choose to ignore their presence and my ability to use them.

There are times, like today (and this entire past week), where my heart is so very on my sleeve you can see it beating. And it's a grumpy heart. It's an annoyed heart that doesn't want to listen, it just wants to whine, and yell, and it sort of wants to be heard but it also wants people to go away. It is moody. It has had too much time with people and needs to hibernate.

It worries, it wants to cry but is too stressed to create tears. It tries to read, watch TV. It phones a friend, leaves a message, the friend calls back and now it has changed its mind that it really wants to talk to the friend. It loves the friend, but can't be a good friend in return at the moment.


It goes to work and sees other hearts hurting. This sends a message to the gut that says, "now we are more tense, and dinner will just be an option at this point; we don't feel like digesting." The heart reacts properly in the presence of others' distress, and does the right thing amidst its own stuff. So apparently it is still working, still capable of loving. It sighs. It knows this too shall pass, it just has to accept the fact that it can only beat so fast. It can race at moments, but that doesn't usually mean getting ahead.