I have a lot of thoughts today (Just today? you say. I know what you're thinking...), so I think I'm going to write them out with no rhyme or reason. Get ready for some bloggy vignettes, people!
Also I just turned on some (old school) Justin Bieber music. I feel like that will set the appropriate tone for writing some vignettes.
OK let's get started.
***
Today is my brother and sister-in-law's 10th wedding anniversary. Crazy.
I remember the day before they got married, I was in the hotel room by myself, eating Frosted Flakes and drinking coffee. I was watching the last-ever episode of Full House (ah, to think, ten years ago I had no idea there would come to be a FullER House!) and I got teary during it and thought to myself, "Maybe I'm more emotional about this wedding than I think I am."
I had fun getting dolled up and having my picture taken.
The photographer asked the bridesmaids to show some attitude, but I couldn't hold my pose for long because my oldest brother, Kelly, said in response to my scowl, "Wow, Bailey, it looks like you've made that face before," and I lost myself in laughter.
I needed laughter at that point in my life. When all the festivities were over, I was scared to drive back home. I was feeling very spiritually vulnerable. Everything in the world scared me -- talk of global warming, my impending future (I had one semester of college left) -- and I felt like Satan was wreaking havoc on my insides. It was terrible; one of the darkest seasons of my life, for sure.
I wanted to stay lost in lavender satin, dancing with my hair in an updo.
I did survive. I've fought so many battles since then, and I'm so lucky that I've laughed so much since then, too.
My brother and his wife got married young, but they've stayed in love and given us two awesome kids who we love to pieces and who I wish I lived closer to to heap kisses on their faces, even though they would squirm from my grasp.
But I live in California, so I send them lots of toys instead. :)
***
On the weight loss trail:
I lost seven pounds.
Yay!
And then I gained four.
Um. OK.
I'm a little discouraged, but not terribly. Mostly I'm like, "I'm getting back into running and it's awesome!"
It's a love I've truly missed, like an old friend I've lost touch with. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, I just sort of stopped running one day and then the friendship became something not forgotten, but not actively tended to.
I won't lie, though. I do get grumpy and discouraged at times. Last night Alex and I were at the bowling alley, and I got upset because I wasn't playing well in pool (and a while back my game was pretty good), I wasn't bowling well, and then I thought about how my body still isn't quite how I want it.
"Be good at writing," Alex said, when I was getting upset about knocking down a mere three pins, or when my ball landed in the gutter again. "Be good at the things that matter."
Per the weight loss, he was very encouraging as well. He always tells me I'll get there.
I do have good moments, though.
I feel like a rock star when I get off that treadmill, another quarter milestone (see what I did there?) achieved, sweat pouring down my chest into my sports bra.
And the other day I was getting ready for work and I looked at myself in the mirror in my underwear.
And I smiled.
Which, is as it should be.
***
I've been super dizzy for a week now.
I'm going to the doctor this afternoon.
I hope I'm not acquiring vertigo at this point in my life. I'd rather not deal with that.
I also of course hope it's not something serious, either. I hope it's just the heat, and I'm not getting enough salt (low blood pressure) or enough sugar (low blood sugar) or my body's adjusting to all the exercise or something.
Anyway, it's frustrating and annoying. Here's hoping for encouraging words from the doc.
***
I was talking to a friend -- who's lost 10 pounds! Get it! -- and we were talking about the curious -- yet, logical when you think about it -- way that weight comes off.
She said she keeps expecting to lose a chunk of size on her leg or something, but instead it kind of comes off all over.
My stomach is slowly, slowly firming up and a very thin layer of chub has been razored off.
I remind myself that losing three pounds is not a small thing. I wonder what it would look like, three pounds of human fat. I want to hold it in my hands. Not greasy, raw human fat. Just a chunk of Bailey blubber. :)
"The fat melts off us, like butter," I told my friend, picturing a rectangle of yellow in a pan, oozing all together, pooling equally from all sides.
***
I'm wearing mustard yellow today.
I don't think it's my best color to wear, but I really like it, so I wear it happily.
Today's mustard is in tank top form, a former Abby article of clothing.
I clap my hands when she arrives at my bedroom door with clothes she's done with.
Earlier this week I put a bag of my "recyclables" outside her door, so she can do some free clothes shopping.
I wonder how long it will take before we've swapped closets entirely.
***
My head is itchy.
I need Head & Shoulders.
But I need to curb the spending, so I've gotta get my shampoo at the drugstore and run for the cash register, no browsing for other stuff!!
***
All right, I'ma sign off now and tend to my dizziness.
Much holiday weekend love,
Me
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