There are many reasons why I would fail on the show "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?". I would be too distracted, wondering if Regis would grab a drink with me after the show (not in a weird romantic way, just to chat! He's an interesting guy!), and whether he would be wearing his monochromatic tie for our nightcap or not. I would have stage fright, of course.
Oh yeah. I'm also terrible at trivia and trivia-type knowledge, so there's that.
Needless to say, I'd be leaning pretty heavily on my lifelines, if I ever managed to make it past the opening round which qualifies one to make it to the hot seat in the first place.
Since it's likely I'll never meet Mr. Philbin (I know, I don't think he hosts it anymore, but I'm stuck in the late 90s), I thought I'd explore how I'd use my lifelines were I ever given the option to use them in my real life. Read on if you dare...
I would use the "50/50" option to eliminate...
History class in school.
Paper cuts.
Boring discussions at parties.
Splatter from yogurt when one opens the lid.
My fear of violence in public places, so I can relax in a movie theater again.
Turbulence.
Hangovers.
Awkward silences in therapy sessions.
The phenomenon of being cold and having to pee at the same time (trust me, it's a thing and I hate it).
I would "ask the audience" to help me...
Determine if my outfit is quirkily fashionable or just a "NO."
With names of current athletes (It took me a long time to realize why my phone was autocorrecting "doesn't" to "Durant" and to even know that this was a person).
Take out the trash. Worst chore ever.
Get front row seats to Celine's show in Vegas.
Blockade traffic so that it points only to the gym after work, forcing me to treadmill it up.
Sort through my mail and other papers. If I were to hire a personal assistant for anything, it might be this. Or for blockading traffic toward the gym.
Determine when I'm overthinking and when I'm thinking just the right, healthy amount.
Carry things in from my car at the end of the day. And then put them away where they belong, thanks.
Make travel between me and my family and friends quicker and less expensive.
I would "phone a friend" for the following bits of advice, encouragement, etc...
Michelle, when I need to cry and/or need a truly unbiased opinion. (Even though she loves me to bits so I know she's totes biased, but she's very diplomatic. She should be president).
Nick, when I need to quit being so serious, yet need to be allowed to be serious.
Dad, when I need to hear his voice, and smile in spite of myself.
Mom, when I need to brag about the cat on my lap and be told about the one that's on hers, too. This followed by 30 minutes of rambly Mama-Daughter talk.
Corie, to pick up where we left off.
Jill (though it's almost always a text), for writing ideas, Netflix viewing comparisons, relationship wisdom.
Kelly, Patrick, and Riley, for each-their-own brand of brotherly advice and way of making their sister laugh.
Laura, for giggles and excitement over our next adventure.
Courtney, for a conversation that can go in 20 directions and be silly and serious all at once.
Belle, James, and Loren (via Skype), when I need a flurry of bright, waggling color to get me out of my head.
And my Muffin, to check in. To say hi. Good night. I love you. Mwah mwah mwah mwah. Mwah!
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