The things that make me feel able

 

Hi, Friends. I've been working my way through a set of 52 lists, and I've been stopped in my tracks for months at this one:

 

List #13: List the things in your life you are actually able to control

 

Why?

 

Because I hate talking about control.

 

I don't believe I really have any, to be honest. I think God's in charge. I mean, I am aware of how my body feels and what my thoughts sound like in my head and how my emotions feel in my chest, and I know that I make decisions about what to eat, and how many times to press snooze and who to call "friend," etc. etc. and that all these things affect how my life turns out. I don't feel like a robot being controlled by a remote. I feel like I make decisions that have consequences, good and bad.

 

But I also think that everything in my life is a gift, and that Someone's watching over me, no matter what I eat, no matter how many times I press snooze, no matter who I call "friend."

 

I totally understand, for the sake of conversation, that I could say: "I have control over picking out what I wear today, but I don't have control over whether this airplane lands safely on the ground."

 

I mean, I get that.

 

It's still just not my favorite conversation to have. I just don't care to pick apart this concept of control. What can I say? I wasn't a philosophy major for a reason.

 

So neither is this my favorite prompt, amongst these lists so far, either.

 

So I'm trying to reframe it.

 

What about this?:

 

List the things in your life that make you feel able.

 

Ahh, that's better.

 

OK, let's get started:

• Writing.
• Listening to my friends in crisis, and offering advice if they request it.
• Pulling through, being kind, and getting things done (even tiny things) on a difficult emotional day.
• Lifting weights.
• Speaking publicly.
• Explaining something to someone.
• Remaining calm in a stressful situation, particularly when someone is choosing to be mean.
• Conquering an athletic feat.
• When I set a goal and meet it.

That seems like a rather meager list. :/ But I don't know that I walk around feeling particularly incapable of things. My self esteem could use a boost these days, sure, but I've been working on that, and making progress.

 

Anyway, I'm glad we steered away from the control stuff. Because that's annoying. I hope you're feeling able today.