What my life is

 

When I was about 24, I called my biggest brother and whined and woed about how my friends were traveling more often and making more money than me and just generally living more luxurious days and nights than I was.

 

Ten years later and what else is new, am I right? I kid, I kid, but then again not really.

 

My brother calmly listened during our decade-ago phone call, said "mm hmm, mm hmm," and finally said, "I'm hearing a lot of what your life isn't. But what about what it is?"

 

This has come back to me in years since; it was a gentle reminder to shift perspective and realize just how much our cup runneth over, especially in moments when we trend toward bellyaching.

 

This is not a commentary whatsoever about not being allowed to have problems in the face of basic needs being met. I could give you a whole laundry list of things I am carrying around with me right now, yet I am not interested in getting into the argument of whomever who lives wherever having it harder than me for obvious reasons.

 

I will say that I think a lot of those whomevers are better than I at measuring what their life is than what it isn't; in many ways they can be better than I at preventing their chin from dipping too low.

 

But again, I am not here to initiate or carry on that discussion.

 

I just want to focus on what my life is. You don't even have to read on, this is really just an exercise for me to feel better. So move along with your day, please, or if you so please, continue to read on. And, here we go:

 

What my life is

by the Daily Bailey

7/30/19

 

My life is a cat that snuggled next to me all night last night, save for a trip to his dining counter.

 

My life is texting my dad-joke-loving brother a bunch of groan-worthy memes.

 

My life is FaceTiming with my nine-year-old niece and thinking to myself, "Who on earth is this kid I am talking to??" loving her suddenly adopted grown up turns of phrase.

 

My life is organizing my closet full of my many clothes and realizing I have an outfit, a pattern, a wrap for all seasons.

 

My life is planning two weeks away later this year to see family, and deciding to pass on other opportunities for travel.

 

My life is reconnecting with an old friend, and texting on the daily with a pretty new one.

 

My life is tomatoes and cucumbers diced, salt and pepper sprinkled on top. Three birthday parties in one weekend and subsequent new Facebook friends the days following. Doing an hour long workout and only growling during the planks.

 

Chomping gum, some days mint flavored, others watermelon.

 

Aiming for my macro percentages and feeling like a boss when I get close.

 

My life is light beer more than craft beer, meat without bread. But raisin bread for breakfast, with butter because yum.

 

Pink toenails and red fingers. Two pairs of gold/silver sandals, one set of straps in a braid fashion, the other more of a rope.

 

Workouts inside with the occasional brave journey into the outdoor sun.

 

My life is reading, once again. Ahh, sweet love above this interaction with words on a page. How many years the paragraphs have lit my nights, why should I have ever suspected they were anywhere but just around the corner waiting for me to return?

 

My life is a car that is essentially empty of stuff!!!!!!!! Those who really know my shame around my messy vehicle can imagine how much healing breath this offers me. My life is a trunk full of empty tote bags, at least 50 in total, some probably on their way to Goodwill or to unsuspecting friends who will soon possess a little piece of me.

 

My life is being grumpy, frustrated, asking a lot of why, yet trusting that this will swing back into calm breeze and emotional ease.

 

My life is siblings who love their kids, make me laugh, and fight for better lives for us all.

 

My life is the partners of those siblings, who treat me like a friend, work tirelessly in their jobs, and brighten my brothers' lives so in a way I can't thank them for enough.

 

My life is a possible five mile walk in tremendous heat after work, and two girls who are willing to do this August race at a "let's just get it finished" pace. No pressure, just pals.

 

My life is a supportive partner who lets me cry like a toddler. Who, together with me after tears have been dried, marvels with me once again at the fact that I could not be more like this girl.

 

My life is Friday Night Lights season one, Tami and Landry and Riggins, oh my.

 

My life is blogging approximately once a week, which hasn't been the case in many moons.

 

My life is habitual scrolling of social media, with occasional scheduled breaks from the madness.

 

My life is jealousy of people I know, sheer excitement for others, impatience to plan and contentment to be in the moment, even though a lot of moments are grumpy.

 

My life is tickets to a LEGO pop up event, a Tegan & Sara show, vague pending dates with friends and couples.

 

My life is fizzy water in the fridge, chilling for my arrival home. Bubbles to snap at the surface and make my teeth grit together after the first shocking gulp. Hydration and community. People who love me and check in via text. People who encourage me in my fitness journey and rejoice with me every time I get some of my bravery as an airplane passenger back.

 

My life is more than enough lipstick, journals, books, dresses, swimsuits, deodorant sticks, dumbbells, shampoo options, DVDs, cross stitch projects, and songs in my phone to call upon for any mood or occasion.

 

And so many tote bags. My life is bag after bag after bag, inside which I can't collect fast enough the blessings being poured out always. Yes, always, even yes, when grumpiness and confusion are present. They each get a bag, too, and may they find friends to nestle with them inside the slouchy canvas, to whisper secrets to like kids at a sleepover, giggling as connection and kindness win out.