Okay I am officially nervous.
I am not ready to be a reporter. I have a book to read by Monday morning, and what will I be doing Sunday night? Getting my beauty rest? Reading the final pages of my assigned reading? No no, none of that. I'll be driving in the middle of the night to get back to my new home to crash for a few hours and go to class the next day!
Sad. Tired. Oh so very tired. Nervous. Anxious. Excited, but wondering if and when I'll reach the moment in my semester where I'll feel like I can relax, because right now I'm wondering when I'll ever sleep without an alarm again. I would say Thanksgiving break, but I'm guessing I'll have homework then.
I always seem to accomplish hard work when I'm not aware of the demand that I do so. But when it's right in front of me, labeled ominously and pretentiously with the declaration that "This will be very hard work," I cower. Somehow I tore up the GRE, got into one of the best journalism programs. But I am suddenly terrified for my first day of school. Having nightmare visions of the professor calling on me, stumping me. Things moving too fast, Bailey racing behind, taking sharp, scared breaths. Faking it but not making it. Who will pack my lunch? Certainly not me. What will I eat? Pistachios and Oreos? Unacceptable. All the other kids will laugh at me and point fingers at my Ziploc baggies with their lack of nutrition inside.
I think I can safely say this because neither bride nor groom will read this until after Sunday, but if you can ever control it, please refrain from scheduling your wedding--or any other major event, for that matter--the day before one of your siblings begins graduate school. It's just very hard for said sibling. (Bride and/or Groom, if you do read this before your big day, know that I do love you both dearly and am truly happy to be there, wouldn't miss it for the world. If it weren't this weekend there would be some other complication another weekend--such is just life.)
Okay I suppose that's enough paranoid exhalation for now. Pray for my journey tomorrow, for energy levels, stress levels. May the hugs abound and may they keep the emotions calm and loving. And please pray that I can get ahold of my textbook that I failed to realize I needed to order a long time ago!!!!
Hopefully I will learn to better master the deadlines required of journalists....yikes. Whose idea was it to let me into this program? Meh, must be some reason. I'll leave that up to the Big Guy. ;)
Smooches!
(Riley commenting as anonymous because he doesn't remember his login...)
ReplyDeleteBailey. I'm not ready to be a teacher, but you know where I'll be in 3 weeks? At the front of a high school classroom. We have to learn these things sometime. And since you've already mastered the art of the barista, its time to move onto the next project.
And let's face it. You're a writer. That's a fact you've been sure of since middle school. You don't know every kind of writing yet, but being a writer means you have what it takes to learn.
Just make sure I get a free subscription to whatever magazine you're writing for in 2 years...
Hi Bailey,
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled upon your blog!
As someone who recently completed her first year at a grad school she thought she'd never get into, let me label the emotions you're feeling: Impostor Syndrome. This thing is a killer! You got in on your abilities, no one made a mistake. However, it's likely that you'll continually doubt yourself. Do you know why? Because grad school is hard. It isn't you. It's grad school. Stick it out and it will get better!
Grad school is hard. Find someone to remind you of that daily.
Good luck on your first day! You're going to be stellar, because you're Bailey!
Sarah Loos