Don't MISS it!

I realized this evening that I have very few opportunities to flirt. I go to work, I come home, I spend time with my closest friends, but I never go out in a group, I don't meet men my age, and for as outgoing as I am, I don't feel like I have a "safe" place to just goof around and flirt.

I am just now realizing this, and feeling as if there is a significant social void in my life. For one, it bothers me on a daily basis that I don't feel as if I am getting the social outlets that I need. On a bigger scale, I feel as if this is a very brief time in my life in which I am able to meet all sorts of people easily (before everyone gets married off and we all start slowly getting less enthusiastic about things--sorry, HUGE generalization there), and I don't want to miss it and realize I missed it after the fact.

There is a line in the wonderful movie "Hair" from 1979, in which a character yells, "You MISSED it!" Some of my good friends, as well as my dad, and for sure myself, love to yell this. Toss something towards the trash can, miss the rim, gum wrapper falls on the carpet. Perfect opportunity to raise the pitch and volume of your voice to an inappropriate level and yell, "Aww, I MISSED it!" Favorite b-ball star shoots an airball? "Aw c'mon man, you MISSED it!" I could go on all day. Somehow I think if I were to feel like I missed out on my twenties, the phrase wouldn't be as funny. And I certainly don't want to feel regret concerning a huge chunk of my life. Furthermore I don't want such an amazing phrase to lose its thrill.

I am nervous around cute boys now. In college I was talking to boys all the time, thinking nothing of it. Just after college I would come home from dinner outings and think to myself, "You know what? I think that might have just been a date of sorts..." And slowly it has progressed into me hunkering back into my shell. I wasn't even aware I had a shell. I thought I was given the option at birth, popped my pacifier out of my mouth to say, "Nah, I'm good," and waved the shell along to other babies who might be interested. Apparently I have a shell. Good to know. I am realizing this as I write this. This is all news to me, as I just recognized my need to flirt a couple of hours ago, and noticed my lack of large group interaction in the last few days.

So what to do about this? My friend Sarah and I made a vague pact to each go on a date before 2010. That's kind of ridiculous and lame that we should even have to do that, but again, I am just now becoming aware of my reality. I will also take this opportunity to note that about a year ago I went on a date and decided after that one that I was going to take an indefinite break from dating, as it seemed to only make me nervous and never seemed to lead me anywhere. So I was basically signing up for anxiety sessions, and the only perk was that I didn't have to pay for my dinner or beer. But it's been over a year. Let's get a move on, Bails.

Brad was scrolling through his phone the other day for people I could date, but we kept getting distracted by googling "The Hills" instead, and looking up pictures of Victoria Beckham, since I sort of have her haircut right now and Brad thinks I should go brunette.

I could take a class. I could find a knitting group (and consequently learn how to knit). I could just go sit in parks until I find a new friend. Or I could just start shedding this shell, throw some caution to the wind, and be me. Ahh, now that sounds refreshing. Some of this is starting to sound like I am on a husband search. While I have definite desires to one day have a husband, and don't casually make decisions involving future mates, I will say that the itch I felt tonight was not for finding "the one," but just for flirtation. Just joking around, telling someone he's wrong about his opinion of a particular actress, or trivia answer, cats vs. dogs (CATS=CORRECT), and doing so in the safety of the presence of other people. So instead of every silly interaction being weighed with a heavy "what does this mean about him? us? life?" behind it, we can just joke around. We can like each other, crush on each other, eat chips together, and not feel as if we are signing a lease for a car by spending an evening together.

Okay I think this post is nearing an end. But who's with me on this? Anyone? Any ideas of where I should go on my one date in 2009? Perhaps it should be a GROUP date! Hmm... You know I saw on Oprah once this dating organization that brought eight singles together at once for a dinner, no one was set up with anyone in particular at the beginning of the night. So you all have dinner together, you might find sparks with someone, but you also might find some friends. And you might develop a new group of friends. No pressure, multiple possibilities, and therefore effective and enjoyable.

All right. Those are my thoughts. Just thinking. Rambling. Love you, Kids. Thanks for reading.