Here we are, Friends. Another night that our hearts
circulated liquid and our lungs lifted gas and we woke up without incident.
Wow.
I’m not being crass, I really do think it’s a sizable
miracle that our lives remain alive day after day, because we all know how
fragile life can be. So I don’t care if you’re in the crankiest of moods, do me
a favor and take a moment to be grateful that you get to be alive today, and
remember that the crankiness will abate and maybe tomorrow will be amazing and
you get a chance to enjoy that. Go ahead, give thanks, I’ll wait.
Ahhh. Feeling better? Me three.
I began my morning with the usual, snuggling that cat. He
loves to squish in close when I wake up, and I feel wrong letting up on the
petting until he’s done purring, which is why I’m usually running out the door
in a rush. But he could not be more worth it.
What’s worth it in your life? Adding storage space on your
phone for pet photos? Earning a buck to feed your kids? Tending to your dream? Personally
I struggle with the latter, but I’m trying to regain my focus.
Beyond coordinating the occasional bachelor or surprise
birthday party, I’m not the most enthusiastic planner you’ll ever meet. While I’ve
always been full of opinions and ideas, in many ways I let life happen to me,
and I find a way to make the circumstances handed to me work. Growing up my
family moved several times, and I really couldn’t put in a vote or protest that
would stop us from loading up the U-Haul and driving to Colorado, then
Missouri, then back to Kansas. While it’s definitely a strength that I’ve grown
to make the best of things, I think it’s fair to say that my grasp of
goal-setting and goal-achieving is a little off.
When I’m asked to plan my future, my self-esteem goes rigid.
My confidence clocks out and I give up on even thinking that I might be able to
go after something and get it. It’s unfortunate, and disheartening, and one of the
worst feelings on planet earth to believe that one is wasting her education,
skills, talent or time. I can imagine every one of us can relate on some level.
But guess what? Our lives are not wasted, nor are we a
waste, though at times it may feel that way. You may not have a clear five-year
plan of how you’re going to find things that feel like they’re missing. You may
not really enjoy the work it takes to make change. You may not have a crowded
vision board of cut-out words and pictures to inspire you; your head may just
be full of nebulous longings and your heart may not have received the message
yet that it’s aching for more.
Wherever you are, how-ever you are, whoever whatever
whichever life you’re leading – it’s OK. It’s exactly as it should be, even if
you hate it. Because life can be molded to look so different. Are you the same
person you were in high school? Duh, totally not. But, well…a little bit the
same, yeah? Your core – of silliness, bravery, perception, grit – is supremely
sticky, very hard to remove, I don’t know if you know this. We might be able to
wash off our teenage awkwardness, expunge offending photos of that ill-advised
perm, but You? Your greatness? Your power and prowess and passion? Sorry,
Honey, they ain’t gone anywhere in all this time.
So take heart today, if you can manage. And if you feel like
you can’t, close your eyes for a moment and see yourself as a kid. Remember
him, remember how he would spend a Saturday morning – what did he race off to
do, so eager to engage, not worried about a time limit? Look back at your baby
girl self in her pastel-painted bedroom. What did she want, what did she believe
she could have before experience made her wary that maybe it wasn’t for sure a
thousand percent possible to achieve?
Sit with that kiddo and give them love. Tell them their
ideas are great, their energy an inspiration! Listen to their music, scan the
posters on their wall, find their family dog and give him a pat; let him
remember you with a lick of the fingers.
Then invite your youth to step into today with you. Feel
that sticky core squish against your bones and let your essence effervesce around
your bloodstream. Hang with Younger You, buy them an ice cream and get lost in
the chatter of what you two – excuse me, you ONE – have always wanted.
Ready? Eyes open. Let’s do this.
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