I hope you’re not tired of reflective meditation devotion
type posts, because here comes another one!
Well, I don’t know about y’all but this is a jealous,
frustrated week for me. Lots of negative aches running through my emotion
nodes. Looking at people on social media who I probably shouldn’t be paying
attention to, rehashing the grievances (unintentional or not) caused by people
I struggle with, feeling defeated during exercise effort.
Ouch. Not fun, Friends.
I know if I put my phone down for a bit, and take a breather
from the Interwebs for some hours, I’ll more than likely feel better, feel more
truly at peace with who I am and who I surround myself with for love and
giggles.
I will also begrudgingly admit that last night’s walk/jog is
helping my mood today. I admit with resistance because the movement itself was
really unpleasant. I’m surprised I didn’t actually drop tears during my long,
slow climb to the top of the hill (and please note that tears did come even
after I had finished the course). I could barely jog any of the up portions; I mean
we’re talking I would take maybe 15 steps and then I had to walk again. And I
don’t know about you but when I get upset it may give me a quick spark of
speed, but in general my breath sharpens making physical activity much more
difficult which in turn makes me feel emotionally even worse.
But eventually I reached the top, and I was able to jog the
rest of the distance down and then along the level surface it melted in to. And
today I feel not quite as edgy as yesterday.
But it hurts to be inside our heads, in no small part
because once we arrive inside one of the gristly crevices we don’t want others
to come join us. Well, we do, but only if they agree with us, which, in my
experience my Positive Polly friends always annoyingly try to drag me back to a
place of joy instead of just griping with me. They are so annoying, I’m not
even sure why I keep them around sometimes.
Oh right, because they’re all really cute and funny, and sometimes
it’s their turn to gripe and I get to offer support over fermented suds so that
role’s OK.
Yesterday I moved through a really unpleasant string of
thoughts that made me think exercise truly doesn’t make me feel better, so I
should just give up trying to slim my body and accept that I will only regress
from here forward. Truly, this is the state I was in for a good 20 minutes
yesterday, until the ground’s grade tipped downward and my body was able to
more easily remain in motion. When we fall in these moments of quitting on
hope, we are at best labeled dramatic and frequently waved off to go deal with
ourselves until we can sensibly come back to the general public. And as we all
know this only tills our insides for more heartache, grooms us to practice
greater isolation.
Now for me, I have a really annoying partner who insists on high-fiving
me and telling me how proud he is of me and then making me a turkey burger with
vegetables while I steam out in the shower. But even before him, I had amazing
friends who would let me whimper over the phone, and I’ve long known the healing
power of hot cheese and carbs. (If you ever find yourself at a loss for words
with a person in crisis, order pizza. Trust me. They need it.)
Anyway, so now I am here today. Still apparently following
my thoughts to the negative excursion they’re on, but overall doing better than
yesterday and more in a place to walk myself back to a place of problem solving
and rest.
So here’s my prescription for you today: Lead yourself to
water. Lay out for yourself a virtual picnic, near a stream. Bring a soft
blanket, pick a dry patch of grass, and fling those canvas corners out to flick
the wind before they take a nap on the ground. Listen to the water, watch it
create patterns around rocks, and eat popsicles and brie, doesn’t matter to me.
There is no food pyramid here, we are just aiming for yums.
Think of one thing you can do today that will simply be for
the enjoyment of it, and give yourself 10 minutes to do it. Even if you have to
wait until the kids are asleep and you’re almost too tired to stay up much
longer, just give yourself the gift of leisure. Flip through an old photo
album, scribble with crayon, tip back in a chair on the porch. Remind yourself,
through engagement, that life is not always a climb, not forever a comparison
to others’ success. Eventually it levels out, and we actually decompress in the
sunset, rather than cursing the glare it splinters across our windshield. So go
ahead. Pull over. Step out of the minivan, and let the light filter directly
onto your face. Release the kiddoes from their carseats and lift them on your
hip so they can see, too, how a day nods farewell to us with color, promising
to send his friend, Tomorrow, who will be dressed in an equally dazzling palette.
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