Schedule dreaming -- books for days

The coffee hasn't kicked in.

I can't bring myself to do anything.

I don't know if I qualify as a morning person, but I think I do, because generally after being out of bed for even one or two minutes, I feel lively.

But today I really just feel like my body needs to sleep.

But I don't exactly want to sleep. That sounds boring.

It's quiet at the office, which is nice, refreshing. But I think it's making me more sleepy.

I looked at my book draft, it's nearing 30,000 words. This is awesome, but being so close didn't motivate me to tap away at another chapter.

Though I seem to be tapping away at the blog just fine.

Anyway. Enough whining about being tired.

***

[Later]:

Well I got some things done.

I don't feel like the Hercules of the office, but I did some things.

I can't wait to get to the gym later. 1.25 miles here we come.

Oh by the way: it's HOT in LA.

I'm still tired.

I can't drink any more water or my body will become a constant stream of pee.

I'd like to be in bed right now, reading in the quiet. Cat curled nearby, of course.

I would like to read until I am well fed with words, and then slowly put on my workout clothes while listening to the Beach Boys.

Then I want to go knock out my new jogging milestone and then make something healthy. Maybe a salad and chicken.

Then shower.

Then freeze time and take a nap. Get up and clean my entire room.

Unfreeze time and crawl in bed with a book, to read before dozing off until Thursday.

Can this be arranged?

Great.

Weight loss diary -- calendars and sports bras!

I like love that I look forward to things in my life.

I -- sincerely -- get great joy out of writing things in my calendar.

I guess when you've spent many years of your life feeling down or anxious, worrying so many moments away instead of enjoying them, you just realize how RICH you are when suddenly everything just gives you such joy.

I have three calendars -- no joke -- on my bulletin board at work.

I don't really need that many, but I have them.

I have a big calendar on my desk at the office.

I carry around a pocket sized calendar in my bag. Unless I lose track of it, which is often. Then when I come across it I pull back the pages of the weeks I have lived, and re-mark my place with a binder clip, the binder clip that marks today and leads the way to tomorrow.

And somewhere I have a notebook sized calendar, that I've misplaced indefinitely.

And of course, the Google calendar.

I might have a problem.

Then again...

Writing things down helps you remember them. So if I write down someone's birthday, a dinner date, or a concert in my calendar, I am more likely to remember it (and yes, I am so busy and scattered that I even (almost) forget concerts sometimes -- I almost missed Tegan and Sara in May, and I LOVE T&S, so it wasn't for lack of affection). If I write it down SEVEN times, I'm, like, SUPER likely to remember it.

And, having, what?, seven?, calendars gives me seven chances to get excited about events.

Oh yeah, and help me remember those freelance deadlines, because those puppies creep up on you!

And, finally, I don't have one of those "smart" phones y'all have, so I don't have something in my purse pinging me to go pick up my dry cleaning (as if I were civilized enough to utilize dry cleaning -- ha!).

All this to say, your honor, that I am allowed seven calendars.

I rest my case.

***

This afternoon I wrote down all my training dates for my half marathon -- WHICH I'm officially registered for. Big Sur, here we come!

And? I got so excited.

This weekend I bought two more sports bras, neon and wonderful.

Tonight I'm so looking forward to dinner with my friend Caleb, but I also can't wait until Wednesday when I can go to the gym again.

No offense to Caleb. I just kind of have a relationship with the treadmill currently.

My walk around the office building is in 22 minutes.

Yay.

I'm sorry (not sorry). I'm one of those workout-obsessed people who never shuts up and fuels off of endorphins.

I used to hate it when Abby came home from the gym, all chipper and high on life, whereas I, having not gone to the gym, did not share her zest for all things small.

But I do have zest -- so much zest -- for small things on a calendar. And now, for exercise.

I wrote my miles I have to run in the tiny spaces in my pocket-sized calendar.

Drew little circles around each number.

And colored in the circles with a highlighter, so they will stand out.

A reminder.

Of life. Of health. Of joy looking forward.

Weight loss diary -- Baby steps and energy

People!

The energy!!!!!

I have so much of it!!!!!!!

It's Monday morning and I'm like

HELLO LIFE!

HELLO OFFICE!

HELLO TASKS!

I'm so chipper! Boss asks me to do things and I'm like, "Right O, Boss!"

And I just thought of getting a fizzy water and I got all excited.

I mean, it's just a fizzy water.

But also: fizzy water's amazing.

A couple of people Facebook messaged me this week and said they've been reading my weight loss posts, and just like that -- I increased my support network. And hopefully increased theirs.

I've eaten so much kale I can't believe it.

Also I can't wait to go to the gym tonight.

I've been taking mega baby steps with running.

Once upon a time (about six years ago), I loved running. I ran about 3-5 miles a day, about 5 days a week.

And I loved it. I didn't find it difficult, or boring. Even on hot, humid days in Kansas, I loved what I was doing.

Since then I've lost that love.

I want it back.

So at the gym this past week, I've jogged .25 miles, then .5 miles the next time, then .75 the next.

Tonight I'm going to jog one mile.

And I can't wait.

I don't want to ask myself to run too fast or too far right off the bat, because I think for sure I'll get frustrated and discouraged.

So, in doing baby amounts, I'm slowly building up my endurance, and, at least at this point, I'm always finishing with a feeling that I could run further. I want to stop before I feel like I hate life.

So I've just got to get through this day at work, get myself to the gym, press "Start" on that treadmill, and get to gettin'.

Feels so good to be back in the saddle.

Over and out,
Bailey

Killin' time

That yogurt I told you about earlier? 

Gobbled it up.

Then I drove to church, parked, went to get out of the car, and realized I forgot something at home:

the printed out scripture reading. 

Whoops. 

Yes, we have Bibles in our church, but there was a specific translation I needed, so I raced back home to get it. 

Then I got to church and our pastor, Rustin, handed me a printed out version of a different translation he wanted me to read. Ha!

I did my reading, and got at least one comment after the service, thanking me for reading. So that was nice. 

I got home from church and had kale, hominy, salmon, carrots, peppers, tomato, parmesan cheese, chia seeds, and ranch dressing. 

I gotta say, as a RANCH LOVER, I didn't love the ranch. I've been addicted to balsamic vinaigrette for quite a while, maybe I shouldn't stray from it. 

I'm headed to the pool in a bit. I have a new high waisted bikini, but the cat is sleeping on the top piece. One of my bikini tops is being borrowed. And my tankini and swim skirt have gone missing. 

So I am left with two bottoms at the moment, and a top and bottom in the dryer. 

So, I'm going to wear the suit in the dryer. 

By the way, you know you live in Los Angeles when you own four swimsuits. I actually had five, but I finally tossed my one piece, because it was really old and stretched out. 

Anyway. 

I'm thinking of picking up some beer, and bringing an assortment of beer and fizzy water to the pool. 

It's just soooo hot. And when it's hot, I want a beer. 

I haven't decided yet. 

Anyway. My clothes have to spin for another 11 minutes, so I'm just killing time right now. 

I could be packing a swim bag (I don't think I'm high maintenance, but I do take a lot of things to the pool -- towel, sunscreen, sunglasses, water, [beer]), but I'm not. 

OK fine, I'll go do that. 

Keep cool, everybody!

Weight loss diary #9 -- dizzy

I'm a li'l dizzy. 

I think I need to eat. 

I ate super well yesterday, but:

I'm not sure I got enough protein.

And I drank more alcohol than I would have liked. I mean, at the time, it was what I would have liked, but now I wish I had consumed less. 

Church starts in an hour. 

I'm not sure if yogurt with banana and chia seeds (and cinnamon! Yum!) will hold me over until lunch. 

I'm reading scripture today at service, so this would be a bad day to pass out. 

Not that I've ever passed out in my life. (I truly haven't, but have a strange fear that it will happen, particularly at the gym). 

Right now I feel like a McDonald's McGriddle (it's basically pancake and sausage, in a sandwich form) would curb the dizziness -- I mean, I hope. But I know that's not a healthy choice. 

It's like I'm in a hunt for calories, because I know eating calorie-dense things (like greasy pepperoni pizza) fills me up and prevents lightheadedness. Not that I'm prone to dizziness -- this is pretty strange that I'm experiencing it. 

It's hard to get my head to a place where it knows that healthy things will fill me up. If that makes sense. 

I feel like baked chicken would fill me up right now, but it's 9:28 a.m. 

Yet I think pizza would be justifiable right now. [Rolls eyes at herself].

All righty, here's what I'm going to do: 

Wash my face. 

Put on sunscreen.

Get dressed for church -- maybe I'll wear my new stripey dress from Ross!

Eat something -- probably yogurt and banana, maybe wash it down with a V8.

And then I'm gonna go to church. I'm going to hug the people there who I know -- yay -- and be grateful that I have such a wonderful church. I really love it there. 

When it's time for the scripture reading, I'm going to be a little nervous and self conscious, but I'm going to go to the front of the sanctuary and do just a tiny little thing to serve: I'm going to read. 

From Psalms. I love psalms. Oftentimes they make me cry. Especially this one. 

OK. Church in 45. Gotta go. 

Oh yeah. And the plan is to eat lunch and then get a workout in. Probably going to hit up the gym, but if Alex suggests a hike I might do that. With my new purpley hiking backpack. :)

Weight loss diary #8 - Adventures in Starbucks

Very good morning!

That's what all our European servers said on our river cruise, and I've taken it back to America. You're welcome, America.

Make America polite again.

So, Bails, what are you doing at this exact moment?

Thanks for asking!

I'm eating oatmeal and typing! Yay!

I'm at Starbucks.

There's a man knitting outside. Love it. Love it so much, which is just the right amount.

So I dropped off my car BRIGHT AND EARLY this Saturday morning, for an airbag recall that I should have dealt with months ago -- Hi, Mom and Dad...

Instead of having my sweet love pick me up at 7:30 from the mechanic, I've decided to walk 3.3 miles to his apartment.

Now, I'm not totally insane, because I'm not skipping my coffee this morning. Duh.

So I'm currently parked (with my body, not my car) at the coffee shop.

I got in line and paid for a bottle of water and ordered a plain coffee (which I added skim milk to) and oatmeal.

I took a seat at the bar.

Not the bar where they make drinks, that would be intrusive and uncomfortable for everyone.

The bar in the lobby. Wait, what did we used to call it, when I worked at Starbucks? Did we call it the lobby? Maybe we did. I'm trying to remember what my supervisors would say to me -- was it "go on a lobby sweep"?

Anyway. You don't care. I don't care all that much, so moving on.

I immediately texted my support network to tell them of my coffee-and-walking plan. Then, naturally, I called Dad.

He was eating eggs in Kansas.

I told him that I had been waiting for my oatmeal but hadn't received it yet.

He encouraged me to go get what I paid for.

The line was long, so I talked with him a little longer.

Got off the phone, got back in line.

[Isn't it fun reading my diary like this? You get the play by play of every last detail weeeeeee!]

I was standing there in the much shorter than before line, and all of a sudden:

I felt something touching my butt.

I honestly had no idea what it was.

All I could think was:

"Something feels squishy about my bum."

And then:

"Something inappropriate is happening."

I looked down and realized that a sweet little boy had mistaken me for the human he had come with, and was giving my leg a little snuggle snuggle.

Awwwwwwww.

Now he's sitting outside with his mum and he's making eyes at me through the window.

Bum touching flirt.

If he weren't two years old, I would never stand for this.

Remember the guy knitting? He's still at it. Swoon, swoon, goes my gender role defying heart.

SWOON.

Guess what? The car place just called, my car's already done!

Sooooo, I'ma finish this oatmeal (which I added nuts and fruit to, but no sugar, by the by), walk back to the mechanic, and then drive my newly fixed car to the gym. Skipping my outside walk -- instead I'll do some treadmill work and weights.

I love lifting weights. I feel like a He Man Woman Lover. I mean, I'm not a lover to any woman, but I don't hate women, like Alfalfa-who-was-in-love-with-Darla claimed to do.

What I'm trying to say is lifting weights makes me feel tough and strong and awesome.

All righty. I'm gonna finish up my breakfast, say goodbye to my new toddling boyfriend, and head to the gym!

I learned in Europe that "gymnasium" means something else -- I can't remember what, though...just googled it. It means school.

You're welcome.

Is "googled" supposed to be capitalized?

Smooches,
Me

Weight loss diary #7

Uh oh.

I'm irritable.

And I want sugar.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Nothing in particular is bothering me, but all of a sudden EVERYTHING is bothering me, you know?

Ugh.

Back to breathing.

I can't promise I won't eat cookies.

Weight loss diary #6

When I walk I can feel the difference in my arms.

They feel worked -- a little tired, not quite weak. But they feel stronger.

When I squat to get something on a low shelf, I can feel the work in my legs.

Last night Jill and I ordered queso, and it was served to us in a boiling volcanic vat.

:)

I had a margarita, just one.

Today I've had:

• coffee
• low fat vanilla yogurt
• banana
• cinnamon
• chia seeds
• salad with: chicken, tomatoes, Persian cucumbers, chia seeds, balsamic dressing
• fizzy water, fizzy water, fizzy water!*

*I discovered that my favorite lunch spot has soda water, so I'll be replacing my customary Diet Coke with that. Mmm, love the bubbles.

Planning to do a workout tonight, just not sure what. Could be yoga, swimming, or treadmill and weights.

Tomorrow I'm dropping my car off for repair and then walking 3.3 miles to Alex's place, where I'll hang out until the car's ready. I'll probably have him drive me to pick up the car, but I might be feelin' frisky and go ahead and walk the 3.3 miles back. Wouldn't that be crazy?!

All righty, gotta get some desk work done. Busy busy busy.

-- BB

Weight loss diary #5

Are these posts annoying? Don't care. Still gonna post 'em. I've gotta journal, and because I'm me, I prefer an audience for my thoughts and feelings.

Just finished up another round at the gym. That's two days in a row, for those counting at home, of 25 minutes of cardio, and some butt/legs/arms/abs work.

I got really hungry before my workout, and I was out and about, so I grabbed a protein bar (full of fat, yikes) and a 2 percent (lowest percent I could get) milk at 7-Eleven. As soon as I finished them, I felt overly full, whereas five minutes prior I felt super stinkin' hungry.

Anyway.

I was wavering a liiiiittle bit when I bent down into lunge position today, but I did three sets.

I'm enjoying a -- you guess it --

fizzy water

at the moment. When hunger sets in, I'll either go for hummus and carrots or apple and peanut butter. Or another smoothie. Or quinoa.

Looking forward to a l'il shower, throwing on something light (because it's hot) and billowy (because I'm self conscious about my tum tum), perhaps smearing some make up on my face, and then heading out for my date with Jill Darling.

But before that, I think I'll chill with the cat and maybe stitch. Maybe read? I'm tearing through Rebecca Stead's "Goodbye Stranger" right now. She always has a mystery running through her tales, and I love her character development. In this particular book I have a heart for everyone, even the minor people; it's hard to make your readers feel this way about everyone who makes an appearance on the page, but Ms. Stead does it.

If my dad were in charge of this moment, he would say, "Work on your book!!"

We'll see.

Healthy hugs!
Bailey

Weight loss diary #4

Another smoothie down the hatch:

• Kale
• Banana
• Skim milk
• Chia seeds
• Frozen berries

I forgot the protein powder. 

Did a mega workout last night. 25 minutes on the treadmill, arms, legs, butt, and abs. Get it!

Tonight I'm eating queso. I'm meeting with my sweet bloggie friend, Jill, and we must have queso. It's just part of the routine. 

I might have a beer, haven't decided yet. 

I'm not really sore at all from last night, and girrrrrrrl I slept like a baby! I imagine some soreness will set in tomorrow. 

I haven't decided what I'm doing for a workout today, but I think after therapy I'll head back to the gym for some more cardio and weights. Go for it while I've still got the energy. 

Then: queso reward. But to be honest, I'm looking forward more to the girl time than the oozy, cheesy goodness. No offense to the queso, I just really like Jill. 

Weight loss diary #3

Last night I had kale for dinner.

Well, more than just kale, but still. Kale is kale. Read: not that interesting no matter how much you jazz it up.

The kale itself was crunchier than I would have liked (like, hard crunchy) and almost tart. It's not my fave, but there was a whole big plastic container of it on sale for 99 cents, so I decided to make that my green for the evening.

I put the kale in a bowl, then topped it with lentils (cooked in olive oil, onion, garlic, reduced-sodium taco seasoning and veggie broth), avocado, tomato, mild green salsa, just a touch of low fat cheese, and fresh lime juice.

I have to say, the lime juice really did wonders for the otherwise bland and almost tart kale.

I gave my friends taco shells to fill up with lentil happiness, and they sipped on beers -- mmm, cold Blue Moon on a warm summer night... -- but I ate my kale and drank my weight in lemon-lime fizzy water.

As I type this I sip on a cranberry lime fizzy water.

Fizzy water for everyone!

My gym bag is packed in my car -- complete with freshly-synced-and-charged iPod shuffle (purple), headphones, and a water bottle. I made sure to grab a hair tie when I left the apartment this morning.

After work I will possibly feel bored, tired, unmotivated. But I am going to the gym!

If for some reason I decide not to go to the gym, then my bod best be bobbin' in the pool, because Bailey needs to exercise!

I've lost a wee bit of weight -- at this point I won't say how much -- which is nice.

It's so strange, though, to have a goal of losing weight. I've never done that before.

Some positives about having this goal:

1. It feels good, plain and simple, to have a goal. Just like my goal of writing a draft of my book, or paying off my credit card after vacation, or getting a stack of paper off my desk at work -- a goal is a goal. I kind of like goals. I had to grow into them, as I've grown up, but I do like them.

2. I've found a newfound community in this weight loss journey. It's made up of people I already knew and loved before, but now I'm constantly texting, emailing, calling, walking down the hall at the office to chat -- to give an update about something. Even if it's as mundane as saying, "I ate kale for dinner!", it helps so much to talk to someone who is after a similar goal. We help curb cravings together; by just expressing to each other that we want an unhealthy snack makes it somehow easier to avoid that snack. We say stuff like, "I know, me too," and when we tell each other that we're headed to the gym we say, "Woo hoo!"

OK that's all my thoughts for now. Back to tackling paperwork and drinking fizzy water.

Health for all,
Bails

Weight loss diary #2

I honestly don't have that many FEELINGS to write out right now, I'm just bored.

Which is a feeling.

Ha! So I have some fodder after all.

Anyway, I'm one of those weirdos who writes when she's bored, even though many people would rather poke their eyeballs out than write.

So let's see what I've eaten today, shall we:

Black coffee
Cheez-Its
Cashew chicken
Diet Coke
Fizzy water x2
Animal cracker/cookie things

So not great but not terrible.

Tonight I'm making lentil tacos for friends, and while I will give them the full culinary experience with taco shells, I myself plan to eat my lentils on a bed of greens.

I'm not too excited, but also not too downtrodden over this decision.

The harder part will be not having a beer. Not. One. Beer.

Though, I have to say, having spent the whole day gearing up mentally for lentil greens and no beer is making the transition into actually eating greens and not drinking beer a little easier. Like, I'm not kicking and screaming, but I could be.

When I've gone to use the copy machine today, I can feel the pillow in my stomach leaning against the machine, and I dislike that. I just can't believe I have so much cushion on my stomach.

I walked twice today, during my breaks at work, even though it was warm.

All righty, that's about all I have to say now. I may have an update later after I eat lentils. I actually love lentils, and they're super yummy when cooked in onion, garlic, chicken or veggie broth, and taco seasoning. Muy flavorful!

Think healthy thoughts!
Me

Weight loss diary #1

I ate cake at a baby shower today.

Four years ago this wouldn't have been noteworthy.

A year ago this wouldn't have been noteworthy.

But here I find myself, trying to lose weight. I've ballooned up before, unwittingly, and then before I really knew I had gained any weight (because my family and friends were kind enough not to point out my new physique), I had people commenting on how skinny I was, alerting me that somehow I must have gained weight because then I somehow lost it.

I'm not sure when exactly I gained the bulk of it, but I've gained about 30 pounds during the four years I've lived in Los Angeles.

I'm not counting today's cake as a failure. It was there, there were grapes as an alternative, but I went for the cake. I didn't feel too terrible about it.

I had oatmeal with fruits and nuts for breakfast, washed it down with black coffee. For lunch I had a turkey sandwich on wheat bread, Diet Coke. After work I took a giant bottle of water to the pool -- IN MY BIKINI, even though I don't love my bikini bod right now -- and did approximately 24 minutes of activity.

I swam like a frog, I swam "normally" (no goggles, so my head was above water, so not exactly great form, but it was something of a freestyle stroke). I treaded water. I jogged in the shallow end.

Then I came inside, drank more water, and threw various things into a plastic container:

"power greens"
quinoa, cooked yesterday in bouillon broth
pecan pieces
peppers
carrots

I poured some balsamic vinaigrette on it and ate it up while watching Bunheads.

I actually enjoyed eating it.

I feel a little bit calm. Not frenzied, or like I should be doing, or want to be doing five things at once.

Yesterday around this time I was pretty grumpy. I wanted a beer. I wanted pizza or something similar.

Instead I put some quinoa in a pot, and while it bubbled under a lid I journaled. I wrote about my grumpiness, I typed out what I had eaten that day. I ate the dry quinoa, smacking my tongue against my mouth's roof, grumpy, bored, but fine. Living.

I finished up and started stitching, while Alex wrote nearby.

I got sleepy.

I went to bed.

A half hour later Alex woke me up.

I went back to stitching, then Alex left.

Then I went to bed for real.

I survived the quinoa humdrum. And I made it to and through today, where the worst thing I ate was cake.

For a brief moment I actually felt soothed in the water this evening, going back and forth, making waves, easy motion with my arms, almost forgetting my legs (except for when I do that weird kick thing with my left leg, what's that about?).

Now I sit here in dry clothes, with wet hair, and Max cat is lying completely on his back. I think he's hot.

Here I am. A little more plush than I'd like to be.

But I still like me.

I have the best cat. The best boyfriend. I love to laugh. I love music. Love to write, to stitch, to hug my girlfriends and support them and remind them they're beautiful, curves or no.

I'm not real thrilled about being on a journey that requires effort, but a lot of the coolest things I've done in life have required a little bit of courage and oomph.

Studying abroad halfway across the world. Exploring Vienna on my own. Moving to Los Angeles. Walking through the doors of that bar to go on my first date with Alex (he wasn't scary, I was just a timid dater).

Now if you'll excuse me I have a cat to smooch. And I need to rinse off this chlorine. Get into my jim jams and enjoy my evening. Avoiding cake but not hating myself.

Xoxoxo to all of you, no matter your size. You are wonderful and just the way you're meant to be.

Why I fly the rainbow flag

My boyfriend and I can go anywhere we want, anywhere in the world, and no one will look at us sideways. He can grab my hand and I can hold it easily for blocks and blocks. I can take his face in my hands, leisurely gaze at him, and then let my lips rest on his for as long as I want. It may be unwelcome by some, but it is nothing that will make a national headline or cause party lines to divide.

I fly the rainbow flag for those who have to keep their hands to themselves on city streets.

I have never laid awake at night, fearing that my romantic feelings for someone are something I can't comfortably talk about with people, even those closest to me.

I fly the rainbow flag for the ones who will lie awake tonight.

I have never had to plan, for years of my life, how I would tell my family that I felt attraction to a certain portion of the population.

I fly the rainbow flag for those who think: "Maybe tomorrow I will tell them."

I've never been called a really terrible, derogatory name.

I fly the rainbow flag for those who have been called anything too awful to type here.

I can dress however I want and comfortably make conversation with others. I don't have to feel like others are measuring my outfit, hair, or makeup choices and gossiping about my perceived sexuality as a result.

I fly the rainbow flag for those who have to think too deeply about their wardrobe.

I don't have to spend most of my time socializing with other people who share my sexual orientation in order to feel most at ease. I can go to any bar, gay or straight, and be comfortable and, moreover, accepted.

I fly the rainbow flag for those who feel like they can only go to LGBTQ friendly clubs, and I fly it because many of them probably don't even feel safe going to those places anymore.

While I dressed "boyishly" in my youth, and have sometimes wished I didn't have a menstrual period or have desired the freedoms and privileges of men, I have never actually wanted to be male. I have always been comfortable in my own skin.

I fly the rainbow flag for those who, by no choice of their own, feel like something should be different about their bodies or appearance.

When friends came out to me, or shared feelings of being unsure about their sexuality, I was the one who had the easy job -- all I had to do was listen. I didn't have to speak great big giant words, wondering how they would be received.

I fly the rainbow flag for them. They were, are, so brave.

I am not here to say what is right or wrong, what should be voted "yes" or "no" in November.

I just know that I have never had the struggles of someone who has a less than popular sexual attraction within them, or who wishes a different gender upon themselves. I will never know their specific, aching pain.

I fly the flag because I have had it so easy, and so many others have had to suffer.

Jet lag journal

I'd like to do all the things right now.

Eat.

Clean.

Unpack.

Assemble all the souvenirs in one spot and take a picture of my efforts to buoy Europe's economy. (I did darn good, with over 25 refrigerator magnets purchased).

I am jet lagged......

Max (Max!) is next to me licking his pretty fur. We're happy to be reunited -- though when I picked him up at the sitter he seemed pretty comfortable and not exactly aching to go home. Which makes me happy that he was so happy and content for a week while I was away.

I took a Benadryl, I'm hoping it can knock me out for the next four hours until I need to get up and shower before work.

I didn't feel so much exhausted this morning as I did like I was on Jupiter. Things seemed literally blurry, and I felt confused and like I was slurring my words. So, I guess I felt like I was drunk.

Now I'm wide awake, and thinking about Katy Perry.

I think my feet are swollen. Still.

God, I had such a great time. Memories are just swirling through my brain, and my inner dialogue is going something like this:

"Remember this?!"

"Remember that?!"

"I need to write this all down!!!"

Don't worry, an official recap blog post is in the works. So far it's in the notes stage, but I'll get it done and posted for the "masses."

All righty, time to pet the cat and try and sleep.

Much loves,
Bailey

Bored on a plane

Remember that time I was flying...and flying...and flying.....?!

Bored.

I'm not complaining -- I mean, I obviously am -- but I'm not because I just finished up a WEEK in EUROPE!!!!

So it was awesome.

But currently I want off this plane. My flight anxiety is very low this moment (could be the Xanax), so that's fantastic. But I'm so tired and can't sleep in this chair.

Anyway.

I would fill you in on my Europa trip right now, but I want to be more witty and less cranky when I write it.

I've taken some notes, though, so I can remember the highlights. Because we did a LOT, and all my days are running together, so I need to remember what exactly I did each day, more or less.

Remember that time I was bored on the plane.

That's what they should have called the movie. Forget snakes.

Bored on a Plane.

Done. I'll get to gettin' on the screenplay.

FORTY FOUR MINUTES left????!!!! How is this possible??????? [Pulls down her bottom eyelids and makes face to show the world she is miserable].

They guy next to me keeps nodding off, doing that thing where his face leans forward and jerks back up. Poor guy. See, people?! He needs a bed, too! No more chairs! No more flying today! No mas! No danka!

Blaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.

OK bye. I go surf Facebook now. Which, in other words, is back to life as Bailey knows it. Facebook, cross stitch, snuggle the cat, smooch on Alex, repeat the cycle. It's not always jetsetting around Europe for this one.

Byesies!

Auf wiedersehen!

Danube blessings

I can literally feel and hear the Danube river sloshing as I type this.

I hope I don't wake Abby, as we are in the same bed.

Anyway, after flying 11 hours -- and then another 2 -- today, I am thinking I might have a real issue with motion. I went on a cruise to Mexico in February, and had a full on anxiety attack on the boat because it was rocking so much.

Today, I let the man next to me on the plane know that I might grab his arm if I couldn't handle the turbulence on our short flight from Paris to Budapest.

In any case, let me tell you the positives of today.

#1, I SURVIVED the 11 hour flight from LA to Paris. Yay!

#2, I sat next to a South African on the flight. This makes me happy, because I've been to RSA.

#3, at dinner tonight on our cruise ship, not only were Abby and I in nearly matching outfits, we sat at a table with TWO MORE SOUTH AFRICANS.

And now, as I CRASH after being awake for approximately 30 hours, let me leave you with this. This is what I journaled on my 11 hour flight to Paris (I am a nervous flyer). A bientot:

"6.5.2016

5:49 a.m. Paris time

I am on a plane. Eek!

More than halfway there, though, I think………………..

I’m so excited to meet up with abby.

I miss alex. I mean, I don’t know if I actually miss him that much, but I just thought about him.

I’m sleepy, but I can’t really sleep on planes. I took a Benadryl, though, and had 2 glasses of wine, to calm myself down. It’s sort of working.

It’s weird, I don’t feel that drunk on planes.

I dropped max off last night with his sitter, he seems happy there but I got home and I kept instinctively looking for him, to say hi and whatnot.

Waiting for him to clear the edge of the bed, when he jumps on it.

Oh God, turbulence.

All right, switching from Bonnie Raitt to Taylor Swift. 1989 (the album, not the year) always makes me think of alex, and when we first started dating. Swoon.

My mouth is dry.

What concerts have I attended this year?

Bruce Springsteen

Tegan & Sara

Sam Beam & Jesca Hoop

That might be it, but there are more coming up:

Bonnie Raitt!!!!!

Brandi Carlile!

And hopefully, once she posts her LA tour date, Rachael Yamagata!!!!!

I just want to be on the ground in Paris. Then I’ll do a two hour flight to Budapest, easy peasy, and then I’ll get my bags, go through customs, and take the shuttle to the boat!!!!!

I hope Abby and I have a crazy reunion moment. I hope everyone on the boat loves us.

I hope there are fun crew members who I can crack running jokes with.

I’m sitting next to a South African on the plane – crazy. Of all the other international flights I’ve done, I flew to and from there!

Alex imitated an African accent today, and I genuinely didn’t know what he was trying to achieve because he sounded exactly like a muppet.

I have Fuller House burned to my desktop, I could watch episodes of it. just stupid, mindless TV.

I’m tired.

Stupid turbulence, scaring the pee out of me.

I managed to write like 200 words of my book, then I came over here to write this.

I’m going to Europe. Focus, bailey, focus.

I might just get on that boat and take a nap. But I have a feeling we’ll head to the bar, or get drinks delivered to our room. [We did got to the bar.]

Ahhhhh, it’s gonna be so great once I actually get there.

Why is it so easy to type 500 words when you’re just typing about yourself and your life? I guess I just answered my own question.

The toilet keeps flushing behind me and I’m like, “what?!” and then every time I realize it’s just the toilet. [I kept thinking the wheels were falling out of the plane, mid flight. I have problems.]

Carrie and I were talking about flying yesterday and I was laughing so hard I was crying. God love and bless her.

5 hours, 5 minutes left.

My flight attendant’s name is eric. I ordered “du vin, rouge” from him and he said I could live in Paris. I’ll take it.

It’s only 9:01 in LA, but that is bedtime for me.

You’ve got that james dean, daydream, look in your eye.

Oh taylor.

God love and bless her.

Someone just flushed the toilet. Aroused me (not THAT way) from my almost nap. This is why I can’t sleep on planes.

Well one of the reasons.

Every damn time that toilet flushes!

I’ve only peed twice and we’ve been on board for like 6 hours. That’s pretty good for me.

I keep getting the urge to text people or message them on facebook, to have some interaction to calm my nerves, but alas.

I want to be all curled up sleeping – cause I’d sleep easy for like 3, 4 hours now, but I don’t think I can. My nerves are too high. My eyes are burning.

Maybe I should pray for other people, to take the focus off me"

Good night! Tomorrow? Budapest adventures abound!!!!! Count your blessings, folks! I don't care if you're not somewhere exotic, you are BLESSED in some way, so count it! (Trust me, I wasn't always a world traveler like this, I used to sit around and mope and be jealous of people in Europe. Then I started to appreciate what was in front of me an d additional blessings fell in my lap.)