Tuesday, October 4, 2016


I've decided to be a square this month.
Last night I typed out three goals for October.
Just three.
1. Try not to skip my training workouts.
2. Stay on the wagon until October 26th (that's the day of Rachael's concert, and I plan to treat ma' self that night).
3. Come out in the green financially on mint.com.
That's it.
Financially healthy. Physically healthy. Mentally clear headed.
I randomly started drinking tea last week, which I'm still doing this week, because I'm sickly. Not in general. I'm just ill right now.
Here's why I'm totes down with being square this month:
I've been running around like a madwoman lately. When I realized, after my recent trip to Michigan, that I didn't have to travel for 50+ days, I was like, "Yesssssssssssssss."
This past week I went to three concerts in three days. My friend Sam called me a concert junkie and I didn't challenge him. I have a collection of t-shirts from shows that are overtaking my closet. (But they're all so soft and full of memories and I just can't not buy one each time I go hear another amazing artist live...).
Now, I love live music (obviously), but I'm not gonna lie to you: I'm pretty happy I don't have one to attend this week.
I'm just tired, and tired of feeling like my everyday life is being neglected. Or the square sections of my life, I suppose. There has been little tea drinking of late. Little reading. Some stitching, actually, yes. But little sitting. Little being-at-homeing. Little vacuuming, sorting of papers, cooking in the kitchen.
I want to change this. I am craving domesticity.
A friend posted on my Facebook timeline today that she is no longer going to let running be an option for her. She genuinely misses the way it makes her feel, and she wants to quit making excuses and get herself back out on the pavement so she can feel that good feeling again.
I responded with much rambling, as I am wont to do, and within the rambling I mentioned that I feel I need to practice both tough love and tough grace with myself.
I need to get stuff done, to not overspend, to lose some weight. Like my friend, I need to quit making exercise an option and just do it.
But I also need to be still, and remind myself that God loves me, with a messy room, with debt, with a fleshy stomach. (Not saying that my friend doesn't have a grasp on this. I'm just talking here.)
And I kind of think scripture preaches both -- being orderly, helpful, working to earn your keep, but also recognizing God's forgiveness and grace. We're asked, if I'm reading the Bible correctly, to strive to be better but not to pretend we're God ourselves.
Also, I'm human, and I only have so much energy.
Yesterday I stayed home sick from work, and I kept looking at the carpet that needed to be vacuumed, papers I could see across the room that need to be tossed. Cat litter that needs to be refreshed.
I took it all in, and you know what I did?
I kept on stitching. I clicked "play" to start up another episode of Felicity, and I rethreaded my needle.
I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is that I need to grasp some Amish(-ish) ways, because I need some order. But I also need some flexible perimeters.
I need to be able to go home at night, and have both the time to throw in some laundry and the choice to neglect it one more day.
Wow, what a privileged sentence. It's clear I live in a first world country and have no kids. Although to have kids is a privilege, I would say.
Anyway. I only have something on the calendar this Monday - Friday week on Thursday. I wish I didn't even have that.
I'm excited to spend tonight doing whatever I want. Restoring some order in my tornado-ran-through-it bedroom, or to stitch some colorful floss in orderly rows. Either way, I'm in.
See y'all in November. I wonder if I'll still be living the square life then, or if I'll be rarin' to go!

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