I'm hesitant to write lately.
I feel like my blog posts over the past six months have caused alarm -- caused y'all to rush in and ask if I'm OK. I don't like that this seems to be a pattern (the support is fine, it's the fact that people are worried that I don't like).
The past month has been very difficult. Without saying anything more, I have witnessed someone endure a tragedy, and it's tested me. I've cried a lot. I cried on the phone with an insurance company, and I didn't even really care. Tell that to 10-years-ago Bailey, and she would have been horrified, but Today Bailey is a crybaby and she owns it. Crying helps. I wish I could do it a little less often, for crying (ha!) out loud, but it is what it is.
I have also seen, through all of this, how incredible the human spirit is. Goodness gracious can we carry on. We really, truly can. I'm watching it happen every single day.
So I'm here to tell you about my toolbox of late. The things that have helped. So here we go. (P.S. This list is not in a ranked order)
This understated show is simply wonderful. It is meeting me right where I am. Its humor is very clever, but there is no pressure to laugh out loud, if one doesn't have the energy. The show is in no rush, which is how bar life should be, in my opinion. It illustrates how people of very different walks of life can, and do, walk together all the time. They drive each other crazy, and they care for each other. And Cheers can be incredibly touching. The conclusion of episode 10 in season 1 is still sitting with me -- hardly felt like I was watching a sitcom in that timeless moment, filmed before I was even born. Absolutely beautiful rendering of human life and love.
"I'm right here, and I love you." I've heard these words several times lately, in the calm, steady voice of the man I love more all the time.
3. Care packages
I haven't really wanted to talk to a lot of people lately. I don't feel like walking through my emotions (BIG EYE ROLL), or listening to advice or words of wisdom. I've also been around people almost all the time lately, and this people-loving ENFP needs a break!
I'm here to tell you that mail is OK, however (hint hint). Mama sent me a tote bag with Starbucks money inside and index cards with notes from her, Dad, and our sweet friends Rick and Maureen. And in response to an aside I made in an email this week, Nick sent me and Alex an all inclusive margarita kit: glasses, marg mix, and salt. It's like we won the wedding registry lottery and we didn't even have to be engaged to do it!
(He forgot the tequila, but I won't tell him if you won't).
I am lucky to have the best family and friends, and to see their names in the return address corner is encouraging.
4. My new room
I've moved to a cat palace, where four humans and four cats reside together. My room is cozy, has two big windows, and is right next to the (FREE! FREE! FREE!) laundry area. It's a nice retreat, and I'm pleased.
5. Sorting papers
I've been sorting, tossing, organizing. It's been the most comforting thing. Seriously. I don't consider myself to be overly focused on controlling things, but I think there is something to be said for controlling something during times when things feel out of control. Bring me all the papers, Friends. I will make decisions about what will happen to them.
6. Helping where I can
Mostly this consists of encouraging people to eat and sleep. And occasionally reading aloud. I haven't always been successful, but I've done my best.
All righty, there ya go. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to encourage myself to eat and sleep. Because this tired mama needs to rest.