Pyramid

Try* as we might!, Dad and I cannot seem to consume anything beyond pizza, popcorn, and beer when Mom is out for the evening. We're hopeless without her.

*Let's be honest, we're not trying very hard to eat, say, fruit.

Dad's picking up our pizza right now. I'm expecting him home any minute.

Who invited Bailey?

Tonight was one of those nights I should have just shut my mouth. First I accidentally called Aleks fat. Then I tried to backtrack and made things worse, saying something along the lines of "well only your butt is fat." (Aleks is not fat, that is why this was especially bad.)

Then I told Laura she was like a man. "In a good way!" was my comeback to that.

The worst moment for me, simultaneously the best moment for my audience, was when I declared myself to be "asexual." Awesome. Shut your mouth, Bailey. Shut it. Then of course all ears were on me, waiting for an explanation to my (metaphorical!) definition, and I just laughed/blushed on the floor, hoping they would forget my comment. They will never forget it. I'm sure stigmatizing nicknames are being drawn up at this very moment. Perhaps a facebook group is being formed. Called, "Don't invite Bailey to your social events."

Zebu!

I introduced Mike to Veggie Tales tonight. There's only one word for that, and that would be education.

Bored Games

Are you one of those people who, when you're bored, you do something productive?

I am definitely not.

When I am bored, even though I detest the feeling of being bored, for some reason I let it win. When I was younger and complained about being bored, my mom would tell me to take a nap. I would solemnly refuse her suggestion, feeling that the action of sleep was succumbing to the boredom, letting the boredom wave its gloating power of winning over me. Sleep, to me, was the only thing more boring than being bored in itself.

So I ask myself now, as an adult (sometimes I use this term loosely), isn't just being bored letting the boredom win? By refusing to do anything else to pass the time? Instead I wait for the boredom to pass, and complain to the lucky people nearby while I wait.

I guess my logic is that doing productive things isn't always boring, but when you're bored to begin with, then filing your taxes, vacuuming, emailing colleagues, etc. become activities that make you feel like you've joined the ranks of boring and bored people everywhere. I won't lie, I can enjoy vacuuming, filing papers, corresponding via email. It's just that when I'm forced to do things because I have no other option and I'm bored, then I feel like if I choose to do them then I am becoming a boring person in doing so. And that right there may be one of my biggest fears, as a person, as a writer, as a woman who's still single and needs to keep herself interesting until she lands a man.

I'm afraid I may be boring you right now, writing about this. How many times have I dropped a variation of the word "bored" in the last three paragraphs (by the way, if you stop to count them, I will diagnose you as bored yourself)?

It has also just occurred to me, in the same way that it occurred to me this post might be boring, that I have just accomplished something productive whilst being bored: writing my daily post. Hmm. Didn't see that one coming.

So does that make me boring? Or bored? Did the boredom win? Where did we land in this discussion? People, now is your opportunity to speak.*

*Except you, Nick. You can hold your tongue since we already know you're going to declare me to be boring. Rude.

Bond Bons

When my parents lived in LA, my Mom bought us fun candy and gum from a Japanese community there. Some of the candy is really entertaining, such as the grape flavored rings that double as whistles, and some of it's pretty tasty. The gum, not so good, although packaged fashionably and labeled "Watering Kissmint." Oooh.

The really fun part is that all of the candy, aside from the Watering Kissmint of course, is labeled in Japanese, so you have no idea what is inside the box until you open it. And, once you do, you still may have no idea what you're about to put in your mouth (warning to those with strange, severe allergies). Just this week Mom uncovered a leftover stash from Cali and I opened a box with something purple inside, assumed it was candy; turned out to be gum.

All of the Japanese candy reminds me of an American candy a friend and I used in a "focus session" for MLK Day in college: Diversity Beans (http://www.diversitybeans.com/history.html). Diversity Beans are jelly beans whose flavors don't match their colors, i.e. you can pop a yellow jelly bean in your mouth and be surprised by the taste of cherry. All is well until you pop in a red one and discover it's licorice flavored. Personally, I looove black jelly beans, so I ended up eating a lot of the remains of half-eaten jelly beans, spit out by others, as we prepared for our focus session. We used the beans as an exercise to teach middle school students about stereotypes, judging a book by its cover, a person by his skin color (this is actually the point behind the creation of D-Beans). Pretty awesome tool, definitely check them out if you have a seminar/get together/somethin' rather coming up.

As for the Japanese candy, there are two items from Mom's latest stash that I am saving for Riley Francis, but I am bristling with curiosity concerning their contents. Riley, come home now so we can crack these suckers open! One of the boxes has Super Mario characters on it, and the other involves Pokemon. I can see a piece of brown plastic through the Super Mario packaging, so I'm hoping it has to do with Donkey Kong. Some of the mysterious packages have some English words on them, and I've just discovered in the time that I've sat down to type this that these say "Chocolate" and "FIZZY CANDY" on them. Riley, let's just say if you're not home in 48 hours you might not have the opportunity to open these with me. I lost a considerable amount of will power upon reading "FIZZY CANDY."

Do you guys love that I use my blog to communicate with my brother, instead of just privately emailing or calling him?

Riley and I seem to have many adventures involving candy, now that I think about it. A few years ago Santa Claus brought Riley some Harry Potter Bertie Bott's jelly beans, including flavors such as vomit, dirt, and sardines. Riley decided he would pick out only the good flavors, until his big sister stepped up to her duty as educator of minors and ate each disgusting flavor alongside him until we had conquered the entire package. P.S. the vomit beans sincerely taste exactly like vomit.

Our big brother Kelly used to take those big variety packs of Jelly Bellys and play a "fun game" called Guess the Flavor. We would close our eyes and he would give us a jelly bean and we had to guess the flavor. At first he was nice, of course, giving us cherry, pear, cinnamon, so we would trust him. Then he gave us buttered popcorn, or grape mixed with cappuccino. When my guy friends today try to understand why they can never get away with pulling my leg, it's because of antics like this. Years of practice, putting up with immature males. Strength is the golden reward. Strength and cunning. Very few people have been able to successfully tickle, sneak up on, trip, or scare me in recent years--three brothers pulling those tricks for 24 years eventually elicit little more than a yawn over time.

Okay, Riley, get on home so we can open up these boxes and beat Donkey Kong for the twentieth time. And eat grilled cheese sandwiches, pet the kitty, watch Spice World, etc. As for the rest of you, go to the grocery store and find the strangest candy you can get your hands on. Then find your nearest sibling and get to bonding. Might I suggest a Craig Ferguson youtube video to get you started...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAqrJYWeG34&feature=channel