Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Ellen? Are you reading? I have two Internet stars to appear on your show

Below are the real contents of an email message that actually exists. I sent it to my brother Riley this evening. Still awaiting a response on this. I assume he and I are on for my great plan(s) below.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm sharing it with you other than to show you how ridiculous I am. Please see sections in brackets to decode things written in brother-sister speak.

Sent to Riley Friend Francis, Tuesday, April 9, 2013, 7:46 p.m., Pacific time:

"so i just had a great idea, that i thought would be a great surprise, but then i had another idea that might be better, which involves you, so i'm going to tell you.

my first idea was to make my own episode of 'my drunk kitchen' for you. 

[Riley loves "My Drunk Kitchen," and keeps telling me that the star of the show (host? I want to call her the host, because it's kind of a cooking show) reminds him of me.]

then i decided we could make an episode together. of course i JUST realized that i would be the only one drinking, but we could cook with alcohol, too. ooh! and you could drink ROOT beer and we'll be the BREWERS in the kitchen!

[Our last name is Brewer. I used to hide that from you readers, but since I have links to my journalism clips over there in the right margin -------> , well all you smarty pants can figure out my last name.]

we are doing this. i just need to get a job, followed by an apartment with a kitchen. because if we did this now, well, a) you're not here, and b) i have a microwave, 

[I'm very grateful that I have a microwave. Seriously, I am so blessed and have everything I need. If I didn't have a microwave, it would be a lot of cereal and yogurt around here. Which it is, anyway, because I like those things and they are easy to "make."]

so we would be microwaving weight watchers meals and clinking our bottles together. and then just sitting there looking the same,

 [ ]

which i guess would draw in viewers.

ooh! ellen! and the original drunk kitchen girl! boom! we are going to have an audience! 

[Riley and I might kind of have this embarrassing-yet-not-so-embarrassing-because-we're-probably-not-the-only-ones dream/wish/hope that Ellen will discover us for looking alike and then invite us on her show. At least, I think we both have this desire. Otherwise I am projecting it onto Riley so that we can share it. Like the adorable twins who aren't really twins that we are...Ellen. Ellen? Are you reading? We're heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere! I can get to your studio in a snap, and Riley just needs a plane ticket, which I'll pay for.]

we will make money off of youtube ads and can quit our jobs. although you probably wouldn't want to.*****

[A) I wouldn't want to quit my job, either, if/when I get one. But I think most of us love the idea of YouTube paying for our groceries. B) Did I mention I don't have a job...Ellen? Are you reading? Do you have any jobs for energetic silly people who love to write?!]

do you like how many tangents i have had during this message? 


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