Jealousy sure runs deep, doesn't it? I was just on facebook, to send a message to Caleb, but I detoured to a picture of some friends. I saw the thumbnail, got annoyed, and then went ahead and clicked on it to see the larger image. To dwell on my bitterness a little longer.
In the picture are a couple of people who are very dear to me, and some other acquaintances, and I am just jealous that I am not in the picture. That's it. I'm sure it was not all that romantic and amazing of a time that they were having, and I really, truly believe what Emerson said when he professed that "For everything you have missed, you have gained something else." Being a kid who moved around the country every two or three years for her father's career, you have to believe such wisdom. Scratch that. You don't have a choice. You learn it through living it. Such truth is earned when you choose to accept that it is truth, and not just an idea that one can take or leave. And by earning it, life is not exactly made easier, but it does become more real, more truthful, which I suppose in turn helps to make you a more real and truthful person.
But those f-ing facebook pictures. I can't blame facebook, of course. I can't blame the girls with handsome, doting boyfriends. I can't blame the weather, the seasons, my bad mood, someone else's disgustingly sunny mood. I can blame Satan, as I love to do, but beyond that I really have to blame my own unwillingness to have a good attitude. To accept my blessings, wrap myself up in their blankety warmth, praise God for their abundance and my undeserving of them, and then peel that blanket off of me and start wrapping it around other people. Around the girls with doting boyfriends, around the sunny disposition, around the people in facebook pictures having a gay old time without me. I'm not claiming to already practice this, I just know I need to do it. Just do it. No excuses, this is not my will, I didn't write this life.
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