I'd like to talk about New Year's resolutions.
I think they're silly.
Well, that was quick. See ya later!
OK, OK, fine. We can actually talk about resolutions.
So, as you can imagine (if you know me or have read my blog at all), I have a lot of feelings and thoughts and opinions about resolutions (because I have a lot of feelings and thoughts and opinions about most things. OK, fine. About everything.).
And, if you know me, you know I'm about to share my F's and T's and O's with you now.
So, go ahead and bail if you'd like. Otherwise, grab some popcorn and come back and join us.
Well, for starters, I've spent the last month or two or eight beating up on myself. I get mad at myself for eating out. For eating poorly. For not eating enough. (This is just one example, the eating. I get mad at myself for all kinds of other things, that I'm not doing enough, or correctly, or with enough gusto). All this negativity toward myself has made for a pretty negative year overall.
So, I'm equal parts reluctant and eager to make some resolutions for this upcoming year.
On the one hand, a resolution could help give me a goal, yes? And a focus. And something to look forward to.
On the other, it kind of feels like I'm jumping into 2017 with a wagging finger that says, first and foremost, "Let's fix everything that you did so terribly wrong last year."
So, while I've typed up a list of things I want to do less of in 2017 and things I want to do more of, I'm not quite sure I'm going to print it and post it on my bulletin board.
I sometimes wonder if what I need instead of a resolution is either some therapy or a trip to Goodwill. Or both.
Let's start with the Goodwill theory.
I am so overwhelmed by the amount of STUFF in my life.
I have so much stuff I never use. Never will use. Never want to use.
So I should just get rid of it, right?
You'd think. But, if there's one thing I've learned about myself in 2016, it's that I am the laziest, least willing person to drive to Goodwill.
I know, it's ridiculous.
Did you see that negativity there, calling myself lazy?
Cue the therapy.
I'll be honest, I'd like to take the next year off from therapy. Or at least the next several months. I went to therapy a lot this year. Ad nauseum. Ad boredom. Ad why-am-I-spending-my-money-on-this-um.
But, if I'm being real with myself, I know that it might be helpful to talk to someone about all the negative self talk that I have on repeat throughout each day. Frankly, I'm sick of the soundtrack.
OK let's talk about some real things I'd like to see change next year.
I'd like to lose weight.
I'd like to spend waaaaay less.
I'd like to downsize my stuff significantly (and yes, this includes books).
I'd like to work on my attitude.
Now, show of hands: How many of you are ready to suggest the Netflix documentary on minimalism, or have a copy of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up ready to sneak in my tote bag when my back is turned?
I'll keep those in mind, but #1: I don't think I'd actually read the book, and #2: at this point, anyway, I think the documentary would just make me focus on all that which is not true in my own life, making me feel worse than I already do. Looking at examples of all that I wish to be tends not to inspire me, but rather make me crouch and cry.
Where am I going with all this?
Mostly, I'm just rambling, Friends. You're welcome, and also thanks for reading.
Also, I don't know where I'm going with this, other than I'm sorting out some emotions.
I will tell you that I don't believe a day on a calendar makes an actual difference in being the "appropriate" time to change actions and habits in one's life. But I do know that I've let my bad attitude and self loathing grow and grow and so I think now is as good a time as any to flip the switch.
I will also tell you that I'm going through a weird phase where I want to do all the things. As in, I want to read every book in the universe. OK, not the boring ones. But I want to explore new genres and make my own opinions about some titles that everyone claims are awesome.
I want to watch all the Netflix (except the violent stuff). I'm currently plowing my way through Baby Daddy, to make my own opinions about a show that no one else is watching. Because that should be a priority in life. Hey, Tucker is a delight and I'm enjoying myself, so so what if I'm binge watching?
What does this have to do with resolutions? Well, not much except that I think this inkling to do-all-the-things is a hindrance to actually setting realistic, attainable goals.
So where am I going from here?
Number one, I'll wrap up this blog post soon, so y'all can get back to life as you know it.
Number two, I'm going to keep trying to be nice to myself. I think that may be my biggest challenge in 2017. But I think it's a supremely worthwhile goal. Because if I've learned anything in 2016, it's that belittlement of one's self is ultimately counterproductive. Plus it doesn't feel great.
And number three, um, what is number three?
Laundry! Let's start with laundry. I'm wearing swimsuit bottoms today, because my underwear is either dirty, lost somewhere in an airport (don't ask), or in a suitcase in my car that I haven't brought inside yet.
So I think laundry is a good place to start in life right now. Because what are we without our undies? Well, frankly, we're a little lost.
So I will enjoy the whimsy of polka-dotted swimsuit bottoms under my jeans today, and, when I take a break from binge watching B-rated sitcoms, I will head to the laundry room with my quarters and detergent.
And I will tell myself that I am doing all right in life.
Smooches to you all. And hey. Tell me. What are your thoughts on resolutions?