Thursday, March 14, 2013

Wonky grammar

So I was trying to reply to a message that someone (who so far hasn't said anything creepy or rude to me, which is nice) sent me on and because of my Internet connection, or something, I received the following error message:

"Even dating has its difficulties. We're having trouble processing your last request."

I'm OK with being cutesy, but I just have to disagree with their choice of helping verb here.

(I just googled "helping verbs" to make sure I was correct in calling "even" a helping verb. I was right. Holla. Middle school English classes for the win!)

It just doesn't seem to me an accurate statement, as it's worded, to say that "Even dating has its difficulties."

I think dating should be the rule here, with things like "making toast" instead being the exception.

For example, you pop some bread in the toaster. You don't realize it's still set on the "defrost a 3-inch thick, extremely frozen bagel" setting. You walk away to check yourself out in the mirror, pet the cat, check Facebook for the 10-billionth time of your life. You come back to the kitchen, discover smoke, a loudly beeping smoke detector, and some inedible toast.

In this situation you might shrug your shoulders and say, "Well, even making toast has its difficulties."

But never do I shrug my shoulders at dating with a "Meh" attitude. No. I don't shrug shoulders at dating. I pivot the shoulders as I throw my hands up, then proceed to call five of my friends and tell them all the same story of how crazy my latest dating experience has been.

So, let's see here. Suggestions for on what they could display on the page when an Internet connection goes wry.

How about, "Sorry about that. We see you've already discovered that dating sucks, and that people don't meet and ask each other out the way they used to--in person--thus you are here trying to write an email to a stranger. Sorry that we have added insult to injury. You may now have a $5 discount on your per-month subscription price. Oh and on that note, sorry that we're charging you money to date. It's a rough enough experience as is. And no, you're not dreaming. You really do live in a century where one must pay money to talk to strangers on a computer."

See that, Match? Didn't use the word "even" once. You may use my new message on your site. But I will charge $5 a word.

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