Monday, January 30, 2017

The best choices I've made so far

List #5:
List the best choices you have made in your life so far
Walking in the doors at Bethel.
Meeting Alex for drinks on December 15, 2014.
Adopting Max.
Moving to California.
Applying to Mizzou in the first place (I was a staunch Jayhawk for a long time, who wasn't ready for MU), and then going to school there.
Going to church most Sundays throughout my life -- particularly when I wasn't too interested in a particular church, or the whole getting-up-on-Sundays thing in general.
Not drinking in high school, and being relatively alcohol free during college.
Reading for pleasure.
Writing outside of school.
In the face of fights, never saying that I was forever done communicating with a sibling or parent. I've always let there be a tomorrow with them.
Sticking it out when I was unemployed in 2013, and then accepting a job through a temp agency.
Not buying a house.
Doing things in public on my own -- going out to eat, watching a movie in a theater, attending a concert. I prefer to do all these activities in company, but I'm glad I didn't miss out on things simply because a friend wasn't available to join me.
Keeping in touch with old friends.
Not letting fashion and makeup take up much of my time.
Going to therapy and taking psychotropic medication.
Listening to several genres of music, and going to lots of live shows.
Moving forward. Even when I've been scared, more than once, that I've been to a place too dark to ever recover, I've always fought. Even when I've come into the light and the memory of the dark is still tender and awful and terrifying, I have moved forward. I got out of bed, I called people when in tears, when the last thing I wanted to do was share my tears. I went to work. I tried to find the joy when others couldn't see it, and I realized how hard people were trying when they showed me the light. I recognized that people care about me. I believed there's someone bigger who cares about me, and all of us, and I kept keepin' on. And I keep keepin' on. That's one of my best decisions. I'm ever grateful to all the examples of people who have done the same.

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