I missed seeing them at certain moments, for snippets of time.
I would have overwhelming urges to see someone for three or four hours. I felt that if I could have that quality time with specific people, then I could go another month without direct contact with them.
Similarly, my freshman year of college I went to my friend Claire's room and asked her, "Do you ever just miss your mom?"
We talked about how sometimes you just want to hang out with Mom. You don't need to see her every day, you're a grown woman, you can survive. But sometimes no one will cut it but Mom.
Our senior year Nick and I used to get coffee almost every Friday in the fall. I have a hard time not wanting that every Friday these days. Nick and I have been friends for so long that at this point we can sit together at a coffee shop and all but ignore each other. But there's no ignoring someone like there is ignoring Nick.
(Believe me, that's a compliment and he loves it. Likewise, I'm sure that he loves to ignore me more than anyone else.)
Last night I was suddenly compressed by stress and called Mike and woke him up. He talked to me and I felt sort of better, but then I read some really disturbing chapters in what should have been a fluffy novel (pissed!) and then had not one but two nightmares and I really just needed Mike here, not on the phone.
"Mike, I had a bad dream."
Permission to use such childish phrases, and to be comforted as a child. That's what I need. I'm too busy (as he knows, and patiently waits through) to see Mike every weekend, or even every other weekend. But for certain hours, or minutes, I need his hugs. I need to be a baby and let that be okay. He does his best over the phone, but both of us hang up knowing that satellite connections don't lessen the distance, even if they can connect people who are hours apart.