Sunday, July 3, 2016

Notes from bed

I've lost track of how many episodes of Bunheads I've watched this weekend.

I've finished three books in about a week, maybe a little bit longer. Cracked another one yesterday and I'm about halfway through it.

My lit up phone screen takes me away from my bed imprisonment, gets me excited, but then often means I have to answer back with an update on my symptoms -- click click click on the tiny flip phone keys.

I'm drinking my weight in fizzy water.

I went over to Alex's place last night, had dinner while watching a movie. He had to retrieve my laundry from the dryer because I conked out on the couch. 12 hours of sleep and I still woke up tired and disoriented.

I went to church and helped write the prayers, which I really enjoyed.

I found peace there and stayed through the sermon, Rustin's message that God is present in all of our struggles.

I had to keep my eyes open during the prayers because closing them made me woozy. I sat as still as I could in my pew in the back.

I left after offering, because I didn't want to try and walk to communion, kneel, stand, walk again. Though I haven't actually been wobbly on my feet, I still felt unsteady.

I came home and called Alex. Tears drizzled down my face as I told him I don't want to go to the hospital, because I can't give words to my feelings. Silly; only a writer would make such a complaint. I guess if I can't give something words, though, it seems, to me, to be insignificant, not yet real.

Mom and Dad called, concerned but not panicking.

I read for a bit, then fell asleep and dreamed of them.

Took another damn nap. I'm so tired of sleeping.

I've been trying to keep my attitude positive. I want to be doing this weekend, not sleeping. But for whatever reason I'm put here, now, dizzy. With books surrounding me and a cat who's ready to dutifully sleep nearby.

Oh and by the way, I totes want a beer. It's the 4th, for crying out loud!! And it's hot and all I'm doing is hydrating. With everything but my favorite -- ice cold beer.

But I'm trying to keep the dizziness to a minimum, and I think booze is not a good helper in such an equation.


God is present, even while I'm staring at the microscope of my dizziness, as Rustin reminded us today.

I think I'm going to turn off my music and read for a bit. Until that gets boring, when I'll take another stroll down my newsfeed, restart my episode of Bunheads. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Alex gets off work in a bit, so then he can dote on me for a bit.

I do love a good dose of doting.

May peace, love, and STILLness be in your hearts and minds,

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