The gym wasn't a rip-roaring FUN FEST last night.
But I was there.
I participated at the gym.
I told myself, "All you have to do is 20 minutes, walking, on the treadmill."
I honestly thought, at the time, I would end up doing more.
Well, I did jog 0.25 miles, during the 20 minutes I was on the treadmill.
But that's it.
When the treadmill switched to "cool down" mode, I was like, "Nope."
Didn't have "time" for five minutes of slowly walking slower, slower, slow.
Byesies, Gym. See ya mañana (maybe).
Here's the thing, Friends.
I'm a little cranky.
I'm really busy, and I've just got stuff to do. My mind, and my hands, my busy bee working hands, are in a million places each day.
So, as for yesterday, and today, too, it seems, I have some time for the gym, but not a lot. Even if I don't really have anything that needs to get done, I'm going to pay my mental health the respect it deserves and give myself some extra, leisure Bailey Time if Bailey needs it.
Because the world ain't ready for Cranky Bails.
Trust me, you're not.
When I started out on this weight loss journey, I made just four overarching health goals:
As best I can, most days, do the following:
1. Wear sunscreen (every day) (nothing to do with weight loss, but I should absolutely be doing this)
2. Do 20 minutes of continual activity (swim, bike, jog, walk, do yoga)
3. Avoid/Limit alcohol
4. Eat a salad
So, yes. While some days I'm basically Rosie the Riveter Herself at the gym, other days, I'm just going to do 20 minutes on the treadmill.
AND THAT'S FINE, PEOPLE.
[Actually, I'm convincing myself that this is fine more than I'm convincing you. Which is how it is with all of us when we are struggling with something about our identity. Everyone else is OK with how we are, how we come pre-packaged, before we ourselves are. Fact of Life #684867.]
Anyway, where was I?
OK. So the gym last night.
#1, I was bored.
And agitated, as we've covered. I think that was most of it. I was like, "I want to be here, but I also don't." I wanted to really want to be there, meaning I wanted to be in that energetic mindset where I was ready for 40 minutes on the treadmill followed by pumping some iron in the weights section.
But not every day is an iron pumping day.
AND THAT'S FINE.
[Again, convincing myself, not you. Please don't be offended by the Caps Lock.]
#2, I had to backtrack.
(you guessed it),
You'll notice I only jogged a quarter mile yesterday.
Say, Bails, weren't you at like, a mile and some recently?
Why yes, yes I was.
But I got these dizzy spells and was bedridden for a bit, and well, I just needed to start over.
I put on my blinders last night, doing my best to ignore the two cute blondes to my left, one with her treadmill set on MEGA INCLINE, the other one trotting away at a full, running clip.
You are you, Bails. Do you.
I did me. I did my quarter mile jogging, mile walking.
And then I hopped off the treadmill and went home and drank a Mic Ultra.
And it was sooooooooo yummy.
I didn't feel guilty, and in fact I was going to allow myself another, but ya know what?
I realized I was full.
And ready for bed.
So I shimmied under those covers, read for a bit, and switched off the light.
Today I had Thai for lunch, and it was yummy. Pumpkin curry. I substituted white rice for brown.
I didn't finish it all.
It was delish, but also very rich, and my bod is no longer used to large portions of rich food. Progress.
Also I saw a picture of a kid eating mac and cheese on the Internet and really wanted some.
Currently I'm chewing sugar free gum, but I want actual calories.
I've been agitated today, and my girl Courtney suggested an iced coffee. I'm thinking I might take her route.
Anyway. I've yammered on long enough, and anyway I have a coffee to catch. Pokémon Go? Please. Coffee Go.
Thanks to all the people who let me email, call, text, and talk on and on about my goals and struggles, blah blah blah.