Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The cornfield of journalism. Cornfield of dating? Meh, of both.

I had a meeting with my advisor last semester and as I told her why I left the field of social work--in part due to emotional/anxiety overload, "taking work home" with me, etc.--she stopped me and asked if I'm not worried about that within journalism too.

This stopped me for a tic, thoughts flashed through my mind about covering war or doing several stories on mega crime or something, then thought, "Well hopefully I won't get stuck on stories like that," then tried to change the subject.

But since she knows the field, I trusted her reaction and have thought about it from time to time.

I have to say, I didn't expect such "taking work home" to occur with the current story I'm working on. Topic?


I mean, I'm an introspective person as is (had ya noticed?), and it's spring break so I've got some extra hours on hand for some thinking, but...still.

I just feel a little more smacked in the face than I expected. Perhaps a lot more. I mean I sought out to write this piece to make a voice for those who are basically still single (or were previously single, then attached, now not for whatever reason), just to kind of ask why, what that looks like, get the voices of how that feels from the people actively feeling it--the fun, the sad, the ugly.

I guess I just thought 25 years previous experience of singlehood and the thinking that comes with it would make the embarking of this project less than novel.

This is certainly not the first time that I have thought wrong.

I am finding--I guess I already knew it, but now I'm putting a finger on it?--that thinking about being single, in the more serious, scared, sad way rather than the "Let's go clubbin'!" way*, can creep up on you whenever it--pardon my French--damn well pleases.

You can be Miss Positive Polly, hope springs eternal, and then if your thoughts decide to go lonely, well, at least I'm finding in my experience, they will. I certainly suggest, after honestly feeling these negative feelings for a while to grow and trust that you will someday learn from them, to continue on in your Positive Polly efforts, but that doesn't mean you're not gonna have to swat your arms at some big obnoxious plants in your way while keeping that chin up (when I say "plants," you're gonna have to bear with me and come join me in the visual cornfield analogy I'm picturing. Thank you for cooperating with Ms. Kansas here).

This is just what I'm finding. I hope and assume I'm not alone. Not that I wish thoughts of loneliness on any of you, duh. I just don't need any more proof that I'm the odd one out; sometimes I like to fit in. Come on.

*To be fair, while I often wish to go out dancing, I seldom actually wish to go to your typical, *cough* sleazy club. But solid tunes and willing (not super drunk) dance partners? Yes. Please!


  1. This spoke to my heart (in a metaphorical way of course).

    I'm single now, after being in a 14 month relationship it takes some getting used to. I truly truly believe that when us girlies are single, we need to trust that we're in a complex process that is preparing us for our next (or first) relationship, and it will be all the better for it. :D

  2. "You can be Miss Positive Polly, hope springs eternal, and then if your thoughts decide to go lonely, well, at least I'm finding in my experience, they will."

    Truer words have never been written. And you're not alone; I can personally assure you there's an international consortium of people who feel the same way.